Managing Money

Couples who have an unbalanced view of money might suffer stress, conflict, and emotional – even spiritual – damage. Parents who fail to resolve money issues may be forced to work more, depriving their children and each other of emotional and spiritual support. They also teach their children to be unreasonable about money.

Money will protect your marriage and family only if you learn not just how to control it but also how to talk to your spouse about it. In fact, rather than being contentious, discussions about money matters can actually strengthen the bond between marriage mates.

Why, though, does money cause so many problems in a marriage? And what practical steps can you take to make money a constructive topic rather than a contentious one?

What are the Challenges?

Often, disagreements over money are not really about cash or credit but about trust or fear. For example, a husband who demands that his wife account for every cent she spends might really be saying that he has little faith in her ability to manage family finances. And a wife who complains that her husband saves too little could actually be expressing her fear that some future event will cause the family financial harm.

Four Keys to Success

Learn to talk calmly about money

Try this: Pick a regular time to talk about family finances. You could have the conversation on the first day of each month or each week on a set day. Keep the discussion brief, possibly lasting about 15 minutes or less. Choose a time when you are both likely to be relaxed. Agree not to talk about money at certain times, such as the meal table or when relaxing with children.

Agree on how income will be viewed

Try this: Agree on an amount that each of you can spend without having to consult the other, be it $20, $200, or some other figure. Always consult your mate if want to spend more than that amount.

Put your plans on paper

Try this: Write down all your fixed expenses. Agree on what percentage of your income should be saved. Then list your variable expenses, such as for food, power, and phone bills. Next keep track of your actual expenses for several months. If needed, adjust your lifestyle so that you do not sink into debt.

Agree on who will do what

Try this: Taking into consideration each other’s strengths and weaknesses, discuss who will care for what responsibility. Review the arrangement after a couple of months. Be willing to make adjustments. To help you appreciate the work that your spouse does, such as paying bills or shopping, you might want to swap roles occasionally.

 The Real Message in Money Discussions

Your money discussions need not stifle love. If you take the steps mentioned earlier in this article you and your spouse will learn to have open and honest conversations about money. As a result, you will now work as a team, any your love will grow.

When couples discuss how they want to spend money, they share their hopes and dreams and confirm their commitment to the marriage. When they consult together before making large purchases, they show respect for each other’s opinions and feelings. When they allow each other freedom to spend a specific amount without consultation, they express trust in each other. Those are the ingredients of a truly loving relationship. Such a relationship is surely worth more than mere money, so why argue about it?

Asy Yourself…

• When was the last time that my spouse and I had a calm conversation about money?
• What can I say and do that will show appreciation for the financial help my spouse gives the family?