Divorce

While there are some good reasons, to get a divorce, such as if someone is in an abusive relationship or if someone is committing adultery, divorce is usually not justified. Divorce is a very hard concept especially for children, and it is very difficult to deal with. It is not only difficult on the parent’s emotions but also on the children. The number of divorces in America is about 50%, while some children who come out of divorce situations are fine, many are not, and deal with behavior, attitude issues, loneliness and much more.

Divorce is very hard on children, especially behavior wise. Many children start to act out to show how much they dislike the divorce and what is going on in the family. Acting younger than they really are is what some children might do. “Sometimes children experience small regressions, such as toileting accidents, playing with toys meant for younger children or use of immature language” (Ransom). Children start to talk younger and act younger to get attention from people when they do not feel like they are getting enough at home. They may feel left out in the midst of all the commotion. They may feel like you will love them less so they act younger and helpless to get your attention or others. Another big behavior issue is acting up or acting violently. “Occasionally children “act out” their anger or distress by fighting with peers or siblings…” (Ransom). Children act this way to also get attention, also they want to get out the anger they are feeling about their parents divorce.

An attitude issue is another result of divorce. Some children do not want to talk about what is going on they just want to bottle up the hurt they are feeling and they soon become withdrawn. “I don’t want to talk about it, I shouted” (Ransom 16). Many children feel sad and angry at their parents. “When your parents get divorced you can have many different feelings. You might feel sad. You might feel angry” (Emery). Children feel many things throughout the divorce some even feel relieved if, like the parents, a family member has been abusive, “temper tantrums, withdrawals, regression, anger, sadness… just as you the parents, experience so many mixed emotions so do children” (Moskovitch 32). Many parents do not think how much the divorce will and does affect their children and other family members. “Quite honestly, I never really thought about my children grieving my divorce” (Moskovitch 34).

Children love parents and they are grieving with them but they do not always know how to deal with this hurt and anger. Parents need to show their children that even though they are separated they still love their children. This will help with the attitude and any other issues because in the midst of all the hurt and confusion the child will know they are loved. “What children need is : to feel loved, to realize that it’s not their fault, a sense of security, for parents to make decisions, a routine and structure, and not to be put in the middle” (Moskovitch 33). What will help a child the most is you being constant, to set rule and keep them like you would have even before the divorce. If they act out discipline them telling them that you understand but at the same times you sill have rules and at the same time do it with love.

Loneliness is an issue with children who are in divorced families. Children may feel neglected during. “Just as you may feel alone during this time children also may feel very alone in their experiences” (Moskovitch). They may feel they are the only ones who have gone through this and no one will understand. That is why even if children do not want to talk parents need to talk to their children about what is going on and why things have to be this way. “They need to know the truth” (Moskovitch). “While parents may confide in friends, most children do not” (Moskovitch). This is not good for any child; because then they start to bottle up that hurt and that is when they get angry, depressed, and lonely.

If they do not want to talk to parent then they should at least talk to a counselor or a pastor or someone they trust, about what is going on in their family Parents need to realize that while children get angry, mad, or upset what is really wrong is that they are lonely, they want someone to talk to they want everything to be OK and normal and if the parent is to busy they do not know who to go to. Children might be scared that their friends might judge or make fun of the fact that their parents are getting a divorce. Others may feel like their friends are only their friends because they feel sorry for them. Loneliness is one of the biggest issues with divorced children. It leads to so many of the other effects and issues of divorce on children.

There are many more things that can come as a result of a divorce a big one is guilt. Children ask a lot of questions such as, did this happen because of me? Did I do something wrong? “Sometimes children wonder if divorce is their fault. They might worry that they mad their mom or dad mad enough to go away” (Roger). This is not true; divorce has nothing to do with the children, parents need to remember to tell their children this over and over again. “A divorce is about grown up problems and only grown up problems” (Roger). That is the most important thing parents can tell their children during and after the divorce. “Nothing you did made your mom and dad get a divorce” (Roger). Children need to realize they are not the cause of their parents break up, fights, and arguments they also need know at the same time they cannot bring their parents together again, as much as they want to!

They just need to know that nothing they can say nothing they can do will make their parents stop loving them. Nothing they can do or say will make them love them more or less! Other results of divorce have to do with parents/children relationships, “… painful memories and ongoing worries about divorce their relationships with their parents and their parent relationship with each other” (Emery). Children may lose the respect that they had for their parents as a result of the divorce, especially if one parent does not visit or show any interest in the child or children. Parents need to make sure this does not happen, it is hard enough for children during this time they do not need to lose a relationship with their parents like their parents have done with each other!

In conclusion, although most children do not experience a lot of these things, “the great majority of children whose parents divorce do not develop these kinds of serious behavioral or emotional problem” (Emery). Children do experience something whether it is traumatic or not does not matter. Divorce is very stressful for parents but it can be just as stressful for children. Although many come out without any real pain or difficulties, most do not and deal with behavior issues, attitude issues, loneliness, and much, much more. This is how divorce affects children and is why divorce is not a good thing. It does not just hurt the two people getting a divorce but also the people who love them who have to sit back and watch all the hurt that they are bring on their family.