Ties That Bind

I suppose I was feeling sorry for myself on this particular day. We all have off days, and this was one of mine, or anyway, that’s my excuse.
I don’t mean to be ungrateful. Colin works long hours at the office, and my part time job makes a difference so we can have holidays and extra treats, but if only——–
I just couldn’t help thinking wistfully of how nice it would be to prepare dinner in a bright modern kitchen, with oak cupboards, a dishwasher, and one of those wonderful fridge freezers with ice cubes to put in your drinks. Colin had promised he would fit me one next year when he redecorated. He was a great handy man, but it would take much longer, as he only had time to spare at the weekends.

Maybe I sound selfish, but this discontent has reared its ugly head inside me ever since Melissa, my next door neighbour had invited me in for coffee, and to see her new kitchen.
” It’s lovely Melissa!” I had enthused, and I really did mean it. Melissa’s husband was a company director, far too busy to soil his hands, so a local builder had been called in, and it had been done quickly with the minimum amount of mess and discomfort. In fact, whilst it was all going on, they had taken a holiday abroad. Her entire home was beautiful, just like a show house. Unlike me, she didn’t have children to make it dirty and untidy.
Sam, my nine year son, interrupted my reverie, as he burst enthusiastically into the kitchen. Remarkably, the door survived his onslaught, but his grubby hands left marks all over the white surface I had just wiped.

” Take off your shoes when you come in! Look at the mud on them.”
I had told him this so many times, and today he was just doing my head in. I couldn’t help remembering Melissa’s beautiful wood panelled floor, shiny, and free from dirty marks.
Sam obediently removed his shoes, but it was too late of course, and when he washed his hands, the muddy drips seemed to be everywhere. He left most of the mud on the clean towel. Who would have a son?

He turned excitedly towards me, oblivious of the mess he was making. ” Mum, Daniels dog has had puppies. Lovely black retrievers, can we have one?”
I had a momentary picture of four more feet walking in and out of the kitchen, hairs on the carpets, and all the extra work having a pet meant. It all seemed too much to contemplate, so I hardened my heart at the thought of it.

He stood there, with his halo of fair curls standing on end, his blue eyes, just like his father’s, full of pleading. He had his father’s charm too, especially when he wanted his own way, but this time I did not intend to succumb.
” No Sam, I have quite enough mess from you!”

I hadn’t meant it to come out like that, after all, boys will be boys, but I didn’t feel great any way, so tired, and the thought of it all, was just too much to bear.
Sam tried once more. ” Please Mum.”

His eyes were so appealing, and I felt like a heel. Colin loved dogs too, and we had said maybe later on, when I left work. I was glad Colin was at work.
I heard the door close behind him, this time slowly and dejectedly, but I didn’t turn and look in case I weakened. Sometimes I was my own worst enemy!

In spite of my words, I couldn’t help remembering Rex, the faithful labrador that I had grown up with. He had been my friend and companion all through my childhood years. At that time it had never occurred to me that having a pet had given my mother extra work. Our home had been full of love, and that was really all I could remember. There had been four children, and all these years later, although we were now living further apart, we were still close.

I felt sorry that Sam was disappointed. It’s very easy to spoil an only child, and sometimes we did. We had wanted more children, and had given up hope as he was now nine, a very big gap, but who knows? Soon I would got to the doctor, and then I’d know for sure.
I knew exactly where he would be, in the shed at the bottom of the garden. He always went in there when he wanted to be alone. He called it his den. I stood by the door, watching him sitting there, dejection written all over his face, and then I felt ashamed of myself for being in a bad mood. It wasn’t Sam’s fault that Melissa had everything, well not quite everything, she didn’t have a “Sam.”

Neither was it his fault that I was feeling tired and sick right now. Once the doctor had confirmed what I hardly dared to hope for, I would be the happiest woman alive. I could see my dream kitchen getting further away for a while, but suddenly I didn’t care.
How could I ever expect my home to be a show house with a family living in it? What an unreasonable person I was. My home is full of love, just like the one I grew up in! I’m so lucky to have Colin and Sam! There I go, feeling all tearful again!
I smiled at him, seeing renewed hope in his eyes.

” Well Sam, I’ve been thinking, as long as Dad agrees, and you look after it properly, you can have a dog.”

Sam temporarily forgot he was too old to kiss women, and flung his arms around me. His happiness was infectious, it gave me a warm glow inside that I had made someone happy today. Having a pet would teach him responsibility. I was sure Colin would agree with me.

Well here I am, one year later, out walking with our new daughter. Chloe is so perfect in my eyes. Rocky, our lovely black retriever is so protective of her. He censors everyone who comes near her pram, bless him! Sam loves her too, especially since she started to smile and hold her hands out to him. We must try not to spoil her too much.
It’s funny how dogs seem to adopt one particular person as their owner. Rocky adopted me, and he was my faithful companion all through my pregnancy. Sam doesn’t seem to mind. At the moment, being picked for the school football team, is the most important thing in his life. Colin says dogs are more intelligent than their owners, and Rocky knows where his bread is buttered. I think Colin’s right!