Sex with a Capital B, or Sex in The Bedroom with a Bevy of Boston’s

Ready for a Ride in the Dune Buggy!

            We do a lot of things in our bedroom, read books and garden magazines, watch TV, eat lazy suppers consisting of fresh sea bass with Creole sauce, side dressed with a tropical fruit dressing, or grilled salmon with soy and sesame, and other great gourmet recipes we try out from the “Great Chef’s” collection when the mood strikes. But, no matter what we do manage to do in the bedroom, one thing you can count on, is we are always surrounded by a bevy of Boston Terriers.

            If you have ever had the privilege of living with a Boston terrier, you will know their concept of ownership, their devotion and sense of bonding is totalitarian. They are the kind of dog that who, when you leave them in the car, would rather sit on top of you than on a pillow, and cannot stand to be where you are not. They watch your every move, follow you like a shadow, and fight great glorious snarling battles to see who can sit the closest. Goldie, our lab/chow mix, on the other hand, is more like Kramer. Realizing that everyone else is in the bedroom, and she is left behind on the deck, with a loud crack reminiscent of a gunshot the door flies open, and Goldie, all 55 lbs of her, comes bounding in.

            For a brief while, Polly weighed too much and was so out of shape she could not get onto the bed without help. Needless to say, with the addition of a new puppy to the household, her activity level increased, she slimmed down, limbered up and now can get on the bed by herself. So, when you and your mate attempt a simple thing like hugging, which is not hard to do if first you move Polly out of the way, and on the face of it, not much of a feat? But this two-ton Tessie can plant her weight in such a way you would think she was glued to the mattress. Pushing on her rear, her head stays in place, her body folds up over her the top of her head, which then slowly slithers closer to you the more you push on her rear, and in the end, and all you have managed to do is turn her around.

            Queenie is especially attached to Sam. Trying to hug each other with one Boston under your arm, wet nose snuffling into your arm pit, and another licking your feet, is always a romantic precursor to more sweaty endeavors. Of course, any body part is fair game for the puppy, who with razor sharp teeth, nips, pulls and tugs in the most inopportune moments. Goldie’s nose, on the other hand, is right at bed height and can delve with lightning speed into the most crucial of areas. Snuggling up, bare bodies touching, erogenous zones strategically placed, all most sensual and erotic. Yes – until you realize you’re snuggling up to one of the dogs. Warm breathing in your ear is supposed to be a turn-on, except when it is accompanied by sharp teeth and puppy breath!

            Any attempt at intimacy is more often than not precluded by totally ignored demands to leave the area. Oh how deaf they become to the words “out,” “get down,” and “everybody off the bed.” With eyebrows raised, pupils narrowed, they grace us with great dirty looks of “who me?” “Leave?” “You have to be joking!” It is funny, though, how they can hear the whispered phrase of “who wants a treat” from the back 40. Upon trying to snuggle or cuddle, within minutes, Queenie slithers over your back, her nose pushes her way between two warm bodies and she throws herself on her back, bares her open tummy for a tickle, and demands “do me.”

I do have more than one dog bed!  But you know Boston’s, they always want what the other one has!
            And you thought this was to be an off-color bedroom story, an erotic saga about sex? Not hardly. If we ever manage to get around to it, I’ll keep you posted!