Living with Lucy

Marley and Me is a box office hit based on a book by the same name. The story of Marley is not a new one. Marley is an overactive dog with poor behavior whose family loves him anyway. In the book, it is years before Marley settles down and when Marley eventually passes away, the family is devastated.

Character problems with dogs is more like a diamond with its many facets than a coin with its either/ or options. Character traits run the gamut from timid to aggressive, friendly to hostile, obedient to almost wild. Each character needs a different approach to working with the dog. It is important to remember to work with your dog when training. Now I know you have heard many professional trainers say this. You have bought books that tell you that, and still you scratch your head and say to yourself, “What do you mean? I do work with my dog.”

I know you did all this because I did it. I made the mistake of trying to impose my will on Lucy rather than working with her. In fact, we were a month away from surrendering her to a shelter when I finally took a step back and listened to her! That’s right, I listened to her efforts instead of demanding she listen to mine. Let me start by telling you a bit about Lucy.

Lucy Mae, as we call her, is a Chesapeake Bay Retriever now seven months old. She is perfect in all ways except the tail. She has the crooked tail that prevents Chessie’s from competing on the physical requirements. She is also the world’s most fearful dog! She is afraid of the outdoors even though she was born in an outdoor kennel and lived there with her brothers and sisters until she weaned from Mama. She is afraid of barking, doors opening and closing, cars, loud noises-including voices, and she is terrified of disappointing us.

Of all her fears, it is the last one that made training her so difficult. Of course, we were upset if she peed on the floor, and pooping just about made us scream. Our response was yelling and letting her know that she was bad! After all we thought, that was what our parents did to train our dogs when we were kids, it’s what we did to train other dogs we’ve lived with, and it always worked before. Why was it not working now? Was Lucy just untrainable?

No, Lucy is in fact, very trainable. We learned this once we stopped being upset when she made mistakes. You cannot imagine how difficult it was to just clean up a mess and not yell at her! Especially as she sat and watched us do it. When we called her to come was another difficult thing. She would cower on the floor thumping her tail on the floor. We were calling her to eat or get a treat or even to play. It hurt that she would not come to us and that she expressed fear of us. Then, when she was with us, she would jump on us, nip at us, and try to sit on us. Lucy weighs fifty pounds! She is not a lap dog.

This was life with Lucy when I tried standard training methods. It was impossible. My six-year-old granddaughter lives with us and I could not trust Lucy with her! Even though I love Lucy, we faced the certain prospect of not being able to keep her. Then a friend made a comment that made me take a step back. In effect, my friend noted that Lucy acted a great deal like an autistic child.

You cannot punish an autistic child for not understanding you or for being afraid. I do not know if autistic children engage in submissive peeing. Lucy did a lot of submissive peeing. Really. I have the world’s cleanest floor from mopping up pee! However, a lot of her other responses were very autistic.

First, I had to learn to lower my voice when talking to her, even when praising her. Then I had to convince my family to do the same, especially my six year-old granddaughter and my very macho husband. It was not easy! Let me say that again. It was not easy! It is still not easy! It will never be easy! It is necessary. Lucy will never respond favorably to an excited voice of any type.

Next, I had to accept that Lucy is in fact a dog. She is not a child. She cannot be comforted or soothed out of her fearful behavior. There are no words to express how difficult it was to learn this. I have raised and dealt with children all my life. When they are afraid, you comfort them, soothe them, and encourage them. This is the absolutely worst thing you can do with a fearful dog. It encourages the fear! Someone said in a blog post I read recently, “A dog is not a child.” This is true, but then, humans are not dogs.

So third, how do I learn to teach Lucy? This is where I learned the power of the leash. The leash is the fearful dog owner’s best friend. It helps you establish boundaries of behavior. It helps the dog understand commands and learn to obey them. Possibly the best example of this is the jumping on people. When your dog is jumping and lunging at people in greeting you can step on the leash while calmly saying ‘down’. Walk forward on the leash until you dog has no choice but to sit. Praise your dog and pat them, then lead them away. It takes time. It takes practice. It works. Once your dog understands what you want, they will greet people more appropriately. All thanks to a leash! Use it indoors, use it outdoors, and use it in the car.

Car rides have been a particular trial with Lucy. She throws up. Then she throws up again. The vomit stinks. It makes me gag. I hate it. I want to yell, and scream, and throw her out of the car. I learned not to do that.

Experts say to walk the dog around the car with all the doors open until the dog is ready to get in it. Next, they say, using the leash get your dog to go in the car and walk out through the other door. Follow this with getting your dog to sit in the car with the doors open, then closed with the engine off. Finally, start the engine and follow that with brief trips. This process is to let the dog learn that the car is safe.

I confess I did not do this. I have absolutely no interest in walking around my car in sub zero temperatures. I have even less interest in sitting in my car with those temperatures. Four things you will need if you want to try my method are, an old blanket, paper towels, gallon sized Ziploc bags, and disinfectant wipes. If Ziploc ever comes out with a bag larger than a gallon, get those.

I put the blanket on the back seat of my car then I led Lucy to the car and opened the back door. Once there, I crowded her from behind, saying, “In”, until she got in the car. Then I told her she was a good girl and patted her until she settled. Then I closed the door and got into the driver’s seat. I took a trip to a local store with her. If she threw up, I cleaned it up. I did not scold her or try to comfort her. I just cleaned it up and proceeded. The key here is not acknowledging the behavior with words. I gave Lucy absolute comfort just by cleaning up the mess. It let her know she was safe. I kept going on this trip until she went the whole way there and home without getting sick. Yesterday, we took a trip three towns away and back. She got sick once on the way there and not at all on the way home. I was very proud of her.

Lucy is learning to trust me. She is learning to assert her needs appropriately. One of the most rewarding behaviors she is developing is learning to bark. I never in my life thought I would enjoy hearing a dog bark, but living with a silent dog is just scary! She nudges my elbow now when she has to go out. We sometimes have to go to the door several times before she will go out, but she no longer pees in the house unless there is an extreme situation. (My granddaughter and I were arguing the other night and Lucy peed twice during it.)She still cowers some when we call her, but we have learned to let her be for a few minutes and she will come running with her tail wagging! We have all agreed to keep Lucy now.

There is one last thing I learned that is important. I keep two places in the house for Lucy. One place is her time-out room. When she gets overly excited about anything, I put her in this room and close the door. I wait about five minutes and see if she is calm, if not, she stays in the room another twenty minutes or so. The other place I keep for Lucy is where she sleeps. Many experts recommend letting your fearful dog sleep with you if it is practical. I found that encouraged Lucy’s fearful behavior. Now she sleeps in the pantry at night or when we go for a trip that we feel is too long for her, or will result in her spending too much time in the car alone. Neither room is exclusively for Lucy. We use the pantry for food storage and her quiet room is actually my office. Still she associates these places with specific behaviors and it helps in her training.