Leaf Puppies

Fall is here, finally. After a long, hot summer full of its own delights and swarms of bugs, the Fall season ushers in new colors, smells and sounds.  And it is a perfect time to take that new puppy for walks through the park. There are many books on training a puppy how to politely walk on a leash, and that is all well and good, but puppies, like toddlers, can only be polite for so long. Then their inner pups burst out like the Alien baby from John Hurt’s Chest in ALIEN and proceed to chase leaves, leap four feet into the air, and wrap your legs up with the leash. If they succeed in taking you down they get points.  They also get points for barking  at fire hydrants,(only the first time, however), old men with funny hats and any other breed of dog furrier than they are.  They get more points for suddenly deciding to squat and pee while trotting happily in front of you, causing you to take a not-so-graceful nosedive onto the ground.

More points are accrued at this point for the puppy sitting beside you and licking the leaf mold off of your face. Then comes the turn around point and the walk home. You are, by now, thinking of that stiff drink waiting for you when your puppy decides it can walk no longer. He is done, whipped, worn out with the exertion of keeping you entertained. He sits, looking at you sadly, then floops onto the ground with a quiet groan. You tug the leash, trying to disregard the scowling looks of passers-by seeing you be so mean to a little pup. Puppy doesn’t move, though you can swear you see tears forming in the corners of his eyes. You bend down and dangle your keys and make cooing noises at him, which he ignores. You throw some leaves in front of him, hoping he’ll take the bait. Now you KNOW you see tears. You mutter under your breath and pick the puppy up. (Note: at this point the puppy has racked up enough points to get him into the Puppy Hall of Fame).

Picking up your puppy can be a problem if you opted to get a larger breed, such as a Saint Bernard. Even something a bit smaller, say a Basset Hound, will be difficult as Basset puppies tend to go completely boneless and turn into slithering mounds of loose skin and jelly-like flesh material.  When you pick up one end everything sags into the other end.  But don’t think the guy with the Chihuahua has it any easier. Maybe his poundage is smaller, but the will power of the average Chihuahua makes Attila the Hun look like a milquetost. This is when you see six foot men on their knees begging a three pound dog to move. Yes, Fall is here and your new puppy has just waddled in with his leash in his mouth.  It’s time to restock the liquor cabinet.