How Different House Pets Really Think of Their Human “Masters”
by Evis T on Jul 29, 2008 with 51 Comments
Ever wondered what goes in in your pets head?
Cats:
You are not my master. You are not my keeper. I live here because it is convenient for me. You will pamper me now. Good. Now, for having the honor of pampering me, you shall now feed me. Good. Now, for having the honor of feeding me, you shall let me use your bed. No, I don’t care if you need it. Good. Now, for appeasing me I present you with this token of my appreciation.
Oh, you don’t like dead mice? That’s fine. You can have the honor of pampering me instead.
Human comparison: Material Girls.
Dogs:
Food! That is so awesome! you are so cool! You can like, make food magically appear out of that magic cupboard! You are so awesome! Dude! I got you the paper! Sorry, but I think I drooled a little on it, because I was thinking about how awesome you where! C’mon let’s play! Play! Play! You’re tired already!? But I want to play! Food!
Human comparison: A five year old with ADHD on speed.
Rats:
Lemme out of this cage now please? Come on, I promise not to chew the TV cable again. Honest… Haha! Freedom! Come on lads; let’s show this twat what happens when he locks us up for a few days! We’re goanna climb on everything knock stuff off the top shelf, treat you like a mobile climbing frame come food dispenser, chew your stuff, try to gnaw our way into our food tin, mess up your bed and then hide in the most inaccessible area of your room. Ratolution! Ratolution! Down with the bourgeoisie human reign! Oh, you’ve got sweeties…? Well, you’ve purchased our pacifism for another day. We’re still going to watch you while you sleep though, and when you wake up and turn on the light we’ll be there… leering at you, ensuring you know who’s the real boss…
Human Comparison: Teenagers who wear Che Guevara T-shirts.
Fish:
Oh God not again. Tap tap tap… I didn’t do anything the first time you tapped the tank six months ago you stupid prick why would I respond now? God I HATE this place. Oh, another fish. Interesting. Oh look, a new castle. I wonder what’s inside. Nothing. Interesting. Oh look, another fish, interesting. Oh food. One perk of living in this… where am I again? Oh look, a new castle. I wonder what’s inside. Nothing. Interesting. Oh for the love of god will you stop tapping on the bloody tank!?
Human comparison: Cranky old amnesiac.
Liked it
Published in: Pets
R J Evans | Jul 29, 2008 | Reply
lol!
mox | Jul 29, 2008 | Reply
heh, I love seeing humor being published on triond. Digg it.
Evis T | Jul 29, 2008 | Reply
Thanks to you both R J and Mox!
Tim Walt | Jul 29, 2008 | Reply
Particularly like the human comparisons. Lol, very lol.
Lost in Arizona | Jul 29, 2008 | Reply
Lol.. surprisingly reminds me of some people I know. Good comparisons..
Evis T | Jul 30, 2008 | Reply
I hope you don’t know any five year olds on speed
Eric | Aug 17, 2008 | Reply
But a five year old with ADHD on speed is just a five year old.
Karen N | Aug 17, 2008 | Reply
lol, cute article.
Panda | Aug 17, 2008 | Reply
Lol this was pretty hilarious. I just wish my dog was like the dog in the description, she more or less fits the cats description.
Naysaying naysayer | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply
If the fish has amnesia why would it remember someone tapping on the glass 6 months ago?
Cute, nonetheless.
ivyblack | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply
Rotfl. Sweet and so true!
Demonic_Angel | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply
Why do people always personify cats as evil dictators? They truly are not that smart. Dogs are smarter (most of the time). Why do you think they can be trained? It’s not because cats are free-willed, it’s because they don’t understand that you are trying to get them to do one thing and not another.
It bothers me that people thing dogs are so stupid and cats are so smart. It’s simply not so. Sure, dogs act silly, they are still animals. It makes them happy to be with and please the pack leader
Sun Meilan | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply
Enjoyable read. And cats ARE smart!
Lauren Axelrod | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply
Love the article. I have cats and dogs and it really does depend on the bread. Some dogs do happen to be less intelligent.
Evis T | Aug 19, 2008 | Reply
I think it’s becuase people often mix up intelligence with personality.
NE Olson | Aug 19, 2008 | Reply
Loved this! My dog pretty much fits that description lol.
Joanna McKay | Aug 19, 2008 | Reply
sooo true…. my cats are exactly like that and my parent’s dogs are the perfect example of your description…. lol
Deanna | Aug 19, 2008 | Reply
lol…too funny and too true!
espio | Aug 20, 2008 | Reply
wow, thats true fishes dont remember anything
Mary Contrary | Aug 20, 2008 | Reply
Not to start a pet fight here, but I have all three and they all are quite intelligent when it comes to food. You open the cabinet her comes the dog, you get the can opener here comes the cat, you stand in front of the aquarium with the fish kibble, and all three breeds of fish school right in front of the canister until you drop the food in. So you can pretty much train “Anything” with the right motivational foods!! And before all the nit-pickers start in; yes I am sure there are a few slugs out there that are “not” trainable! No, I mean it. I don’t think you can train a slug….but, then I don’t know, can you? Cute article none-the-less!
Ronald Agius | Aug 20, 2008 | Reply
Very cute and entertaining. We have a deaf dog and we never taught him anything but everyone asks how long did we teach him for. He just observes what we are doing and he just follows. He can also understand sign language and we never took him to any school.
Jess | Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
Wow I love the cat one. I have like 5 cats and I swear they think that they are the kings of my house. I also have a dog and hes great.
boner | Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
that is just absolutely ridiculous.
Heather | Aug 23, 2008 | Reply
I loved the article I agree Mary Contrary. It completely depends on the bread. Each cat I have understands and is quite intelligent. Some dogs I’ve not had the pleasure of knowing have been stupid; however, very trainable. But some dogs I’ve known that have been more intelligent than their owners. Completely. It completely depends on the animal, how their human companion is, and (definately Mary C.) the food trainings. I love animals all animals. You must remember too, humans can be just as dumb or just as intelligent. I’m extremely picky when it comes to whom I call my friends.
Mcat | Aug 24, 2008 | Reply
Animals do differ quite a bit in the way they see us humans. My cats think I\’m a couch. They are not wrong.
simi | Aug 24, 2008 | Reply
this is awesome. i love it !
keyboardologist | Aug 24, 2008 | Reply
Congratulations on making the “Hot Content” list. I have ferrets. They are like a bunch of retarded kids at Mac Donald’s! I agree with the cat theory, 100%. As far as dogs go, it depends on the breed. I have a German Sheppard that is a genius, and I have a chow that is about as smart as a box of rocks. We love them both equally, but they are what they are. Dogs in general, think we are GOD, just for the simple things. All in all, animals love us unconditionally. Good article.
seth | Aug 26, 2008 | Reply
it was funny and something different.
Karen | Aug 26, 2008 | Reply
What a great post!
ksoleh | Aug 26, 2008 | Reply
T= Thinking jokes… C= Cool
TQ
Unofre Pili | Aug 27, 2008 | Reply
Thank you for the good laugh!
Lori | Aug 28, 2008 | Reply
It was different . . I bet the German Shepherd can spell better than you. Try proofreading your comments before you submit them and it will add so much more.
Dani | Aug 28, 2008 | Reply
Hey, I’m a teenager that wears Che Guevara T-shirts..
paulius | Aug 29, 2008 | Reply
My cat says, Me? How could you? Ah Ah. Good stuff.
Leo Reyes | Aug 29, 2008 | Reply
box office comedy, really funny…
Jam6100 | Aug 29, 2008 | Reply
Nice article, I wish I could write like that. :-S
thestickman | Aug 31, 2008 | Reply
LOL!
purnomosidhi | Aug 31, 2008 | Reply
Ha ha ha ! Did the pets tell you about it?
Westbrook | Sep 1, 2008 | Reply
Cats are much smarter than we give them credit for. They are also very independent, more so than most dogs. A cat seems to have a sixth sense. They seem to know exactly when their master is coming home, no matter what time of day, and they will sit on the window sill and wait. They also try things that they see their master do, such as opening a door. I have seen many cats try to do something with the door handle but just cannot turn it. Cats take their cues mostly from their master, the top cat of the pride.
penny golding | Sep 1, 2008 | Reply
very good sense of the animal you have…very cute.
Uninvited Writer | Sep 1, 2008 | Reply
Lol. That was very funny. My cat definitely subscribe to what you said
Dianna Allard | Sep 1, 2008 | Reply
This article is really cute. However, I believe every animal has intelligence. It’s just that some of them are smart enough to keep it to themselves! That way, the dumb humans who keep them think they have to take care of them, pamper them, and spoil them without expecting too much in return!! Cats love you when they want to, rats love you when you reward them with food, fish love you when you don’t tap on the glass, and dogs love you regardless!!?
This article is great-I love it | Sep 2, 2008 | Reply
I have to wonder,not about the intelligence of the pet,but the intelligence of the human.A sense of humuor is a very great thing.
Mariya Raya | Sep 4, 2008 | Reply
Real funny and very cute! A good laugh! However, this applies to humans especially at their toddler age if not trained and watched. Good point, you may agee. Pets are the mirror image of our innocence lost with too much training to cope with civilization.
DondarXlover | Sep 4, 2008 | Reply
lol very funny
KEZIA | Sep 12, 2008 | Reply
THIS STUPID I HAT ETHIS WEBSIGHT
Evis T | Sep 13, 2008 | Reply
YOU STUPID CAN TSPEEL.
Alex | Sep 16, 2008 | Reply
I live with many animals: cats, fishes, crustaceans, dogs, mice, turtles, wabbits, guinea pigs, gerbils and all of them, with no exception, respond to food. Also all the furry animals listed above *know* when certain events occur: like when I’m going to leave or enter the building, when I’m going to bed, major climatic changes etc.
I also must say that intelligence is present in all of them and I’m not even going to discuss who is more intelligent: cats or dogs due to the simple fact that like in human beings IQ varies according to individuals.
To give you an example a mere newt escaped his terrarium and traveled around 3 meters/118 inches to find a bowl of water on the floor… Now talking about smarts…
Alex
Alex | Sep 16, 2008 | Reply
I forgot to mention an important aspect referred by
Westbrook. Cats are able to imitate behaviours. Gaudi, one of my cats, easily opens all doors in the house and I found others trying to do the same. On the other hand, Vermeer jumps onto your neck when you’re passing by, a behaviour that some of the others try to imitate as well.
All animals are fascinating.
Alex
Jeanne | Oct 1, 2008 | Reply
Ha ha! This is too good! The dog one is perfectly spot on.
Emma | Oct 25, 2008 | Reply
We used to have a white, finicky, fluffy cat named Midea – she was so like your description!
And I’ve always wondered why children tap endlessly on fish bowls, just waiting for fish to respond…hmm.