My Friend the Banker

Choosing your bank has always been a chore which people shunned. Mostly they are pre-programmed by their parents being with one bank all their life or even having been given a small savings account by parents or relatives. But is this actually sensible? Looking at the chaos banks managed to make out of business dealings and the crash they singlehandedly provoked through wanton mismanagement this needs looking at.

Safety first

When choosing your bank, go for safety first, and don’t buy their bogus promises. A bank with a pompous building means that bankers spend your money on show instead of service. A small bank might be swallowed up by a big bank anytime, robbing you of your bank you chose. In a big bank you will be one of millions of customers and not be treated the way you deserve as a customer. What to do then?

Choose your bank with care based upon information you have access to. Don’t necessarily choose the bank everybody tells you is the safest; choose the one that makes you feel the safest. A full government guarantee doesn’t necessarily mean more safety these days. The government of Iceland is broke, the United States have so much outstanding debts the present toddler’s grandchildren will still be repaying them, Ireland might collapse any minute. Guaranties by governments are like all other promises by politicians, warm air. Use your intuition instead. If it makes you feel right, it probably is right.

Reality

Choose a bank you can walk into. Doing business on the internet might be a fine thing, but where do you go to complain when the site closes down? Shun internet banks; they are not to be trusted. Instead, look at your local bank branches and compare them on your own. Trust your eyes; they are admirably suited to convey information to your brain. If something seems fishy it probably is.

Look at what you are offered in interest. A high interest rate means a higher risk; a low interest rate means a lower risk. Choose what you are comfortable with and not the highest bidder. The same goes for investments the banks might offer you, the higher the promised return, the higher the unvoiced risk. Always take time out to consider such offers at leisure. If something has to be done in a hurry then it’s a trap.

My friend the banker

Now that is a trap you should never walk into. The banker is neither your friend nor your advisor. He is a salesperson out for a killing with his bonus in mind. If you suspect that he is only offering you what the bank wants to sell to be rid of it, you are perfectly right. All those selling or buying advisors on stocks are always looking after their own first, all the rest is incidental.

The banker is your enemy in friendly guise. His only interests are to get you as a customer. That means for him many streams of income for the future. He will offer you credit when you don’t need it, and withhold it when you do. Never go asking for small sums, he will ridicule you. If you walk in asking for 50 million, they will throw them after you and later again good money after bad, as long as it is a lot of money.

I need help

Then the bank is the last place you should go looking for it. The banker is not interested in helping anyone. The moment you tell him that you need help, he will close in on you like the vulture on the corpse. IF you need money, he will take away your credit card and close down your credit limits. If you need advice on how to invest your money, he will take his daily list of ‘crap shares to be sold today’ and get you to buy them.

Does one need a bank account?

Unhappily, one really needs a bank account these days. As long as you are clear in your head about the risk you run with your bank, then everything is fine. Just expect bankers to gamble away your money, to invest it in flashy buildings of no use, and to cash in a yearly bonus several times your yearly income. If you keep that in mind, you’ll deal splendidly with your banker.