Have You Talked to Your Spouse About Finances?

There are a few reasons why we never got down to talking about our finances. First and foremost, he has a lot of insecurities about his qualification. He is an under-achiever. He came from a top school in the country, but lost interest in studies and did not manage to proceed to college to get a degree. When we met in high school, he was depressed due to family problems. I did encourage him to study for the exams, but in the end he did not get good grades and could not get to a local college, while I proceed to obtain my degree.

Secondly, due to the differences in our qualifications, I manage to get a better-paying job. I know that because we were both in the public service and we are compensated based on our educational qualifications. Since I have a degree, I command a higher starting salary. In the five years I worked there, I had 2 promotions, resulting in further increase in my salary. I think he felt intimidated by it.

Lastly, we did not talk about our finances because I did not want him to feel bad about the fact that he was earning less than me. When we purchased this house, he did not have enough money to renovate and furnish it. I came up with more than $20,000 to do up the house completely. He promised to pay half of it via monthly instalments. He has been diligently doing so every month and soon he will owe me nothing. And even though we were still contributing the same amount of money into the household expenditure, deep down I knew he wanted to contribute more.

But times have changed. We now have a child. I took some time off to look after my daughter after giving birth. Eventually, I gave up my job to be a full-time housewife. I am forced to look into our finances, even if my husband refuses to do so. I read many of Suze Orman’s finance books and realised how wrong I am in keeping quiet about our finances. She has given me a lot of inspiration and courage to look into my finances in the face, and truly accept and appreciate what I have.

I realise that I’m not being truthful to myself, and not doing what is right for me and my money. I was living in the past, spending money like the way I used to when I was still working. I’m trying to cut down on my personal expenses, so that I can save more for retirement.

And slowly, I’m having small talks with my husband about money. Whenever we take a walk together with our daughter, I would drop some pointers to him about our finances and how important it is for us to plan for our future. I told him that I depend on him now that I’m not working. Our daughter depends on him too.

He is slowly opening up to me. He tells me that numbers give him headaches. He hates to look at figures churned out by financial advisers to get him to buy an insurance or savings plan. I knew I had to help him. I needed to help figure out which is the best plan for him and our family. On the other hand, I love to look over figures and calculations. I used to love Math in school. He hates Math. Maybe that is why we were meant for each other; we complement each other in so many ways. And this is just one of them. I forgive him and myself for not doing this earlier. I’m glad that we are making progress now when it is not too late.