My experience with losing and failing.
At 46 years of age, I found myself in a situation somewhat beyond my control. I left a $75,000 a year job to try a home business. Unfortunately my home business did not take off and in six months, no income. My husband is a sweetheart and stood behind my attempt wholeheartedly. He is self employed and works very hard. However, his work slows down and sometimes it is two to three weeks between paychecks.
I have had my parents living with me for at least the last six years so they contributed to the household expenses. With the loss of my income and my parents moving out and a slow down in the economy, we have been struggling to make ends meet as so many other people in the United States. We live in a very small town in East Texas and not many jobs are available, and definitely not anything that would replace my income or come close. I did find employment making 7.00 an hour and it does help to pay bills. Nevertheless we are on the brink of foreclosure, a place I have never been or ever thought I would be or my husband for that matter.
The emotions that arise are far beyond description. The one that hit first and the hardest was failure, and then came stupidity. However, the one that truly hurt more than anything else was abandonment. I’ll explain in the next paragraph.
Over the years as we were growing up, my parents always allowed us to come back home if we needed a temporary place or a permanent place. We always knew we could come back. I, myself in the last 10 to 12 years have, at different times, provided a place for my nephews and nieces to live at different times, and older sister included. At a time when I needed the favor returned, I was politely told there wasn’t enough room. I never stated that at any time not even when there was 22 people living in a 4 bedroom house.
The next emotion that came in to play was loss. I’ve been raising beagles for about six years. We are having to sell or give away all of my dogs because we cannot have them where we will be staying for the next 8 to 10 months. I’ve had most of them since they were between birth and six weeks of age. I’ve cried so much and too long over the loss. I now just want to find them good homes.
The realization has bottomed out I guess. One day, we are fine, the next we are way too stressed. One day I cry, one day I’m angry at myself for walking away from my job, and the next I’m happy. My husband continues to be my corner stone and helps me to stay planted and on course. He reminds me that I didn’t just leave the job for the home business but also for my health.
Hurt, betrayal, loss, sadness and disbelief still ping through my soul daily. I sometimes wonder where my strength comes from to keep my head up and to stay focused, but I know God is there to get me through this difficult time. My husband and I will survive the current situation and have a plan in place for the future. We are hoping to pay as we go to build in the future.
Right now, my daughter and son in law have been gracious enough to let us live with them and we are very thankful that we had them to fall back on.
Published in: Personal Finance