10 Top (Legal) Things to Do If You Find Yourself Holding a Bottle of Vodka

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We’ve now come to the last of the five article in this series. We’re in a good position though because this time we’re happily holding a bottle of Vodka. If all else fails and none of these tips work (they will, really), we could just give up and drink the whole lot – which as you know, is horrible advice.

So what can we endulge in with a bottle of Vodka that won’t involve the long, overweight, icing sugar-encrusted arm law?

1. We’ll start with the laundry. As Vodka destroys odour-causing bacteria and doesn’t leave a scent when it’s dry, it is perfect for a quick clean. Spray Vodka on stinky shoes; on whiffy household items like cushions and curtains; and on smelly garments like Jackets that you don’t want to wash. Hang out in a well-ventilated area and leave to dry. Make sure you do a spot test for colour fastness in a hidden area first before you go all crazy with the spraying.
2. Next, we’ll go to the living room to administer the next use for Vodka. No, we’re not going to plump down on the couch and have a drink. We’re going to clean the chandelier without even having to move it. Chandeliers are very difficult to clean and can be expensive if you call in the professionals to do the job. Instead, get your trusted spray top bottle and mix a solution of five teaspoons of Vodka to one pint of water. Place a protective plastic sheet on the floor and on any furniture in the vicinity. Get yourself a trusted stool and someone to hold it down for you (health and safety and all that) and proceed to spray the chandelier bit by bit. You will notice an instant difference as the Vodka works through the dust and grime light fittings can pick up. Be extra careful and only spray on glass parts because as you know, water and electricity do not make good bedfellows.
3. Let’s go out into the garden (and this one is a gem for organic gardeners like myself). We’ve all got to do our bit for the environment, therefore a lot of gardeners are now leaving the chemicals behind. To wash aphids off the roses, mix about 3 ounces of Vodka to one pint of water and spray liberally on them. As the solution is a natural one, no gloves are needed, and it’s safe to use your fingers to flick the stubborn ones off the stems. Be careful not to aim at the bees or ladybirds because you don’t want to get them drunk. They work with us for a healthy garden, we want to protect them.
4. We’ll also make a bit of this solution for later and keep it in a safe place to use on your skin as a natural bug repellant.
5. As we’re already outside, why not go into the shed and work some of those rusty bolts loose. Spray some Vodka on rusty bolts in spare parts left too long in the shed, on kids’ toys, bikes etc which have been left out to the elements for too long. Wait a minute, then unscrew them without a problem.
6. Now for the windows. I’ve had a cheap secret about cleaning my windows which I’ve used for years and years. I think that the time has come to pass it on. Use a spray top bottle with some water, a generous dollop of Vodka, and a few old newspapers. Mix the Vodka with the water and spray on your windows. Immediately crumple up the old newspaper and clean off the solution with a nice bit of elbow grease. The combination of Vodka and black ink from the newspapers leave your windows with an extra special sparkle. (There is no need to wipe down with anything else after the newspapers).
7. Vodka has several uses in the bathroom. The first one we will tackle is cleaning around the bathtub, sink and shower. Vodka is perfect for getting rid of chalking around these very wet areas. Fill your handy, trusted spray top bottle with Vodka, spray affected spots, leave for five minutes, then scrub off.
8. Get a soft, cotton rag, soak this with Vodka and wipe the nasty hairspray and gel stains off your bathroom mirrors, the alcohol works a treat!
9. Now for our usual treat we allow ourselves after our cleaning jobs. The bottle of Vodka is probably nearly all gone now, but I’m sure there’s still some left for our last three undertakings. As we’re already in the bathroom, it would be good time to wash our hair. Pour two tablespoons of Vodka into your usual shampoo. This will make it clean your hair a whole lot better. Vodka also helps to remove toxins from hair, cleans scalp thoroughly, and acts as a stimulant for healthy hair growth. You can’t get one shampoo with all these properties as far as I know.
10. Pour a little Vodka into a glass and leave your razor (for men and women) in there for future use. Not only will your blades be preserved well, they’ll also be kept disinfected and ready to use the next time you need them.

For an extra tip: A recipe to make yourself a nice rewarding drink for all the work we’ve done. (It is only fitting at the end of the series). Pour yourself a half a glass of orange juice, add three tablespoonfuls of Vodka, place two pieces of ice into your drink and hey presto! You’ve just made yourself a relaxing (but not knock-you-out) screwdriver. Enjoy!

As long as you’re not feeling too dopey, check out other relaxing options at my blog, The Relationship Supermarket.com

And while you’re sitting back, have a look at the other four articles in this series

• 10 Top (Legal) Things to do if You Find Yourself Holding a Jar of Vaseline
• 10 Top (Legal) Things to do if You Find Yourself Holding a Jar of Salt
• 10 Top (Legal) Things to do if You Find Yourself Left Holding a Bottle of Baby Oil
• 10 Top (Legal) Things to do if You Find Yourself holding a Pack of Toothpicks