Household Chores

My husband and I have been married for almost six months now and we have recently moved in with my mother and her fiancé in order to save some money to start a family.
I have recently begun to notice that there are huge differences in the way women approach housework and how men approach it. Even when we were living in our own house these subtle differences were coming to light but now they seem bigger than ever.
As a woman my biggest issue is cleanliness and tidiness and I really start to become anxious when I feel they are getting out of my control. My husband is quiet happy to live in a tip until I make a big enough fuss about it.
My current approach is trying to prevent this by tidying up regularly and keeping things in order and my husband just sits there and disappears into his own little world while I clean around him.
This rather irritating attitude does stem from his father’s views that women should stay at home and do all the housework. If my husband made enough money to keep me at home this wouldn’t be an issue and I wouldn’t mind doing it all myself but whilst I have to work full time, I want some help with the housework as I refuse to do it all myself!
My step-father has remarked that my husband never really offers to do the washing up, after dinner he makes a bee line for the living room every night. I have tried to approach this with my husband but he insists he is doing his fair share and fails to see the error of his ways.
I must admit that I find his failure to even put the clothes he wants washing into the laundry hamper despite me moving it into the bedroom really irritating. Whenever I moan at him he always has a poor excuse and he knows as this rubbish is coming out of his mouth that these excuses are not going to wash with me.
I am in love with my husband but I fail to see how living with him is a good idea and a lot of the time I feel like his baby-sitter. I have to work out the finances and stop him spending what is left all in one go. I do his washing, (I refuse to do his ironing), I tidy up after him try to keep the peace over the housework if he hasn’t done anything for a while. Why is it the day to day things that put the biggest pressure on a relationship? Should I as a woman completely change who I am and what I believe in because I love a man or should my husband have a frontal lobotomy in order to understand that a house does not stay clean and tidy all by itself?
I have considered the idea of not doing any of my husband’s washing and letting him run out of clean clothes but I know that when he realises and decides to do some washing he will try and do it all in one go and break my mother’s washing machine!
I do apologise to the men in this world that are not like my husband but I have to ask where have you been and why didn’t I meet you before if you are so perfect?