What to Do When You Find Trees Growing in Your Kitchen

First, the most important thing is… Do not panic.

This activity is normal. You must first slowly approach the tree without alarming it. You can do this in a few ways. The first way is to simply eat the tree before it can see you. You must do this with a spoon. The next way is to leave the kitchen, and come back in 92 years after all the trees pass away. The first way is recommended.

You do have to be wary of the oak trees because they can talk. If you’ve ever attempted to talk to an oak tree you know how difficult it is. You must only speak in questions or it will glow in the dark. The last thing you want is your neighbors knocking on your door asking why your lights are on at night. Especially if your neighbors aren’t very acquainted to trees.

The one tree you want to keep in your kitchen are apple trees. Why? Because apples make a flavorless salad come to life. However, you want to avoid banana trees at all costs because… if a banana tree grows in your kitchen, your sink will start to smell like apes. Fortunately, if you know how to pick bananas better than you know how to pick your nose, you can get rid of the bananas before they infest your kitchen.

Last but not least you want to get rid of the yew trees first because they tend to make a mess at the sink. Most yew trees will try to make eggs when you’re not around. They never make them scrambled. It will always be fried. Fortunately for you, if you enter at just the right time you will be able to catch it frying your egg and quickly steal it and eat it. Nothing beats a free egg meal!

If you follow this guide carefully, you can avoid calling your kitchen a jungle.