Your Teenager

This is the advice I would give any parent raising a teenager today. Just grab the bull by the horns and stick to your guns.

Pick your battles, in the larger scheme of things is the Goth eyeliner or the green eye shadow really so terrible? It might look trashy to you but is it what all her friends wearing? Anything you are going to say will be overridden by her tremendous need to fit in. Remember at this stage teenagers are experimenting with their evolving personality, and whatever is going on now, it won’t last long until the next fad comes along.

If the outfit is completely over the top you might say something like this,” What are you going to do if the principle calls you to the office when she sees your outfit?’ Make sure she understands she will have to deal with the consequences. If there are no consequences, keep the dialog going, tell her that how she dresses reflects on how others perceive her. Talk to her about how you would like to see her conduct herself in the world, then back off and let her decide.

When your teenager gets his or her drivers license, tell your child, “People are much more likely to have an accident when their license is new, “We’re going to ease you into driving before you get full driving privileges.” Then let him drive to the store to pick up items or visit a friend by himself, and make sure he is where he is supposed to be. Never let you teen drive a snazzy new car. Let him drive a bigger more boring car and avoid show -off behavior. (Hot cars tempt teens to speed.) As he shows he can be trusted you can give him more freedom and responsibility.

If your teen wants to date a boy you think is too old for her, what is the best way to handle it? The smartest thing to do is forbid you’re teen to date as a couple until she is 16. Group outings are the safe way to go. If it’s too late for that, talk about the risk to your teen. Tell her she can only see her date at home under your supervision.

She won’t like it but you have the clout. A girl who has a relationship with a boy two or three years older is more likely to have sex, and less likely to use contraception,” says Sarah Brown, director of National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (For the same reasons, the lesser scenario of a teenage boy dating an older girl may also be risky.)

It’s not easy raising a family and the best thing any parent can do is keep full control of the child from birth onward into the teens. You can’t let your child have the control as a young child and expect him to abide by your rules when he is a teen. Let your child know that you are in charge and never let him forget the fact. It still won’t be a picnic raising a teenager but you will be the one calling the shots.