What to Do If Your Ex Spouse Takes Your Kids on Vacation Without Your Permission

My ex wife took my kids on vacation, and did not tell me, what can I do? My former husband took our children on holiday without my permission, what should I do?
If you are a divorced parent learn how to respond when your ex has taken your kids on vacation without asking.

In many divorce arrangements there are legal rules in regards to taking the children on holiday or for a vacation out of the state (country or province) they live in, without written permission by the other parent. What should you do if you find out your spouse did take your kids on holiday without your permission?

Most people have a knee jerk reaction and freak out. They demand to know what recourse they have. While this might seem an appropriate response, after all the person did break the divorce agreement, I would like to challenge this train of thought.

First of all, if the situation is one where the child’s life may be endangered, or some how affected (such as they were taken out of school), that is another issue. This article is only addressing cases of divorced parents where custody is split and one takes the children on a holiday without telling the other, it is not for when a parent tries to permanently take the children and move away with them.

Why do parents get angry if the other parent took the kids on vacation?
In some cases the one parent is angered no other reason than that rules were broken. Sometimes they are just mad that they were not told or asked; however often times the other parent did not ask because they feared the answer would be “No”.

In some cases the parent is mad because deep down they are jealous. Each parent in a divorced situation often wants to be the kid’s favorite, and they may feel that taking the kids on vacation may make the kids prefer the other parent more.

What to do if Your Ex Spouse Takes Your Kids on Vacation?

Be happy, be mature! Say nothing more than “Oh, I wish you had told me before hand, I look forward to hearing their stories.”. That’s right, I am encouraging parents to act like mature adults, not jealous kids.

If your ex wife, or ex husband takes your kids on holiday and does not tell you until later, your only issue should be that you were not told ahead of time, not the fact that the kids got to have a holiday. Be glad your kids had an experience.

Too many kids are screwed up by the bickering and childish behavior of their parents. It is about time that parents realized they can “pick their battles” and not everything has to be a fight.

Some kids never get to go on a holiday or vacation, so why should you bemoan or complain that your ex spouse took your kids on a holiday? You should be happy for them.

If you want your kids to grow up to be mentally healthy adults, it is time you set the example yourself, and instead of being angry at your former spouse (presumably somebody you use to love deeply) it is time you behaved like a mature adult.

Yes, of course it would be best if they had asked beforehand, but be honest, would you have allowed it?  Most people say “no” simply for the sake of saying no, and not for specific good reasons.  Why begrudge your children a chance at an experience just so you can “stick it to your ex”? 

So, in case you missed it, suck it up, be an adult and say no more than “I wish you had of said so before hand so I could have wished you all a great time”, and mean it!

Other Reading

Divorce – Who Gets the Pets?

The Most Generous Parents May be the Most Selfish

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RSSComments: 9  |  Post a Comment
  1. Nicely Written, thank you.

  2. Matured one.Thank you.

  3. It would be terrible not to trust your ex to take care of the children.

  4. It would be nice if more divorced parents could adopt the theory of what is best for the kids. Nice read.

  5. You are right. Too often the instinctive response is to seek revenge for a perceived wrong.

  6. Very educating information.Though Divorce is not available in our country.

  7. Great advice Brenda, though I suspect easier said than done. I so agree with you about kids often being screwed up because of bickering divorced or separated parents. The one complaining should be thankful their kids had a great experience rather than think of themselves.

  8. Bickering parents are only hurting their children. In a perfect world they wouldn’t do it.

  9. Stuff like this only hurts the children. So glad my children did not have to have divorced parents. My daughter however is dating a man divorced with two little boys. I knew she will have a lot to face if they decide to get married.

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