What Our Children Really Want From Us

1. They Want Us To Like Them.

We always hear that our children want our attention, but that’s really just half the story. Our children would settle for our attention if that is the most that they can squeeze out of us, but what our children really want is our approval:

• They want us to watch them play SO WE CAN TELL THEM HOW GOOD THEY ARE, OR HOW THEY CAN BE BETTER.
• When they explore the world and find something wonderful, they pull us to look at it BECAUSE THEY WANT TO SEE US SMILE.
• They are always in the way, wanting to join our work BECAUSE THEY WANT TO FEEL THAT THEY ARE USEFUL AND IMPORTANT TO US.

So find ways to let your child share your life and your work. Ask your toddler to get things for you. Ask your school age children to rinse while you soap the dishes. Ask your preteen to make the salad. Ask your teenager to shop for groceries.

If your children learn early that their help is appreciated they will not resent chores when they grow up. They know they are useful and needed.

Our children want us to like them. They crave our approval. They want to know what it would take to make us like them.

The child who receives his parents’ approval will do anything to keep it. The child who never gets approval no matter what he does will simply stop trying.

2. They Want Us To Hug Them Often, and Say That We Love Them.

Our children need our love. It is their only defense against a harsh, cruel world.

“But,” you may say, “They should know we love them. Don’t we work so hard to give them the best clothes, food and education?”

If your mate said, “Of course, I love you. We’re not divorced, are we?” you would probably answer, “Yes, but I would still like to hear you say it every so often.”

Granted that there comes a point when our children resist overt physical affection, they will still long for it when they come home with a bruised face or a broken heart. They might not tell you, though, so offer it often, just in case.

If you don’t, they will look for it somewhere else, and the hugs of strangers never come for free.

3. They Want To Stop Seeing Us Fight.

Couples fight. It’s inevitable. Our children understand that. But it is still terrifying for them, when they see it.

First, it threatens their sense of security. When children see their parents fight, they are reminded that divorce IS a possibility. The prospect of losing a parent is even scarier for a child than the prospect of losing a mate is to you.

Second, if you’ve never looked in the mirror while you’re angry, you should try it one time. That should quickly explain why your children are so scared when they watch you and your mate fight.

4. They Want Us To Be The Boss.

Indeed, they want us to be their friend. But even among peers, children look for leadership.

You see, children realize that there is a part of the world—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—where they are safe; and beyond that is where they will get hurt. Nobody wants to get hurt.

Therefore, our children depend on us to show them clearly where the limits are, so that they can fully enjoy their freedom within the boundaries, where they are safe.

They don’t want parents who will let them do anything they please. They don’t want parents who let them make important decisions while they have neither experience nor wisdom to guide them. They don’t want parents who are too weak or lazy to show them the line between good and evil, and equip them with the discipline to stay within the line.

Our children want us to lead them. They want us to teach them and train them. They want clear consequences when they go over the boundaries. They want us to remember that they are children, and we are adults. They want us to be the boss.

5. They Want Us To Keep Our Promises

While our children want a leader, they need a leader they can trust and respect. Parents who make promises and break them cannot be trusted. Parents who lie are cowards, and cannot be respected.

Also, when we lie and break our word, we show great disrespect for our children. That is the example they will see, and that is what they will follow. Then, they will learn to disrespect us, and they will lose the leader they so want and need.

Our children want to respect us. They can only do that if we are honorable enough to keep our promises.