Should divorce be your first option? Ask anyone who is married if they’ve ever contemplated divorce and you’ll likely receive more yes’s than no’s. As a seasoned mediator who has helped hundreds of families going through conflict, here is what I have found.
Leaving a marriage is easier than staying and putting up with all the drama. You have the drama of the ex-spouse, the stepchildren drama, the extended in-law drama, and the list goes on and on and on. Unfortunately getting married does equate to conflict as confirmed by God’s word in 1 Corinthians 7:28- “But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.”
Why is this? Could this be why Jesus did not marry? The new international version translation for Matthew 19:10 goes like this- The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
There has been much debate on the entire above, but don’t look to me for the answers; all I have are options. What I can tell you, however, is people are tired– Tired of putting up with other folk’s baggage. Isn’t it hard enough to take care of ourselves without having to take care of others’ baggage too? And speaking of baggage always reminds me of how the flight attendant instructs us during the safety briefing, “to put on our oxygen mask first before we put the mask on someone else.” This makes perfect sense to me and irritates my husband to no end. He hears it quite often whenever he asks me to do something I don’t like.
We need to take care of ourselves FIRST before we can help anyone else. Otherwise we will be no good to them or to ourselves. Therefore if you as a spouse are preoccupied with what your other half is doing, stop. Take a moment to think about all the things you can do to reach your own goals. Don’t have any? The New Year is a great time to make some. Keep yourself busy attaining your best and highest good and don’t be surprised if your spouse does the same.
Should divorce be your first option? I say no. Oftentimes during a mediation I can tell when one or both parties do not want to go forward with the divorce, but neither one wants to swallow their pride. I do it for them. I do not proceed with the mediation. You can almost see the weight come off their shoulders. At that moment one of them acknowledges they do not want a divorce and the doors of communication begin to open. Many of those same couples are still together today.
If you feel you’ve gone too far and cannot turn around; yes you can. Of course if domestic violence, alcohol/drug abuse, or fears are involved; by all means get help. If you are not sure whether divorce is a good option for you, more than likely it isn’t. Have a question you’d like me to answer for you? Drop me a line at email@example.com or visit me at www.millermediators.com. I’ve got a message for you.
Published in: Family