The Dreamer’s Obstinacy

Have you thought of giving up fighting this tendency, accepting it, going along with it and even praising it? I know if I had made this suggestion to you personally, I would hear the strong sounds of silence as well as see a puzzled stare of disbelief! That is all right. Think about it.
 

  What is another word for “stubborn”? What about “determination?” It fits. If you were to label your child’s response as determination and say the following, your relationship could improve: “You know I like it. Yes, I do. It’s good you have such a strong degree of determination. You will need this in life. What I would like to do is to help you shape the direction of your determination. So when there is something I want for you or want you to do, you may feel I’m blocking your strong desire. I’m not really. I want you to feel strongly. I want to hear your feelings. But my job may be to guide your determination in a different direction that will be best for both of us. It’s something for you to think about.”
 

              This may surprise your child, but it will help him, and you really don’t have any other options, do you? You need a balance in your response and so does your child.

            If you are harsh and overprotective, your child thinks he is incapable of making decisions, learning and facing consequences. This builds stubbornness.

           If you are passive, it forces your child to make too many decisions and he winds up feeling insecure and will act up to get your attention.