Survival Guide for Parents of Teens – Part 2 – Alcohol

Teens are great. They are becoming adults and exploring the world. They are going through many changes both physically and mentally. They often are driven by over-active hormones that they don’t understand. As a parent of teens I will share some experiences in this series of articles that I have found helpful to make these exciting years a positive experience and not a battle ground.

In part one of this series I considered music and the way this can unite us with the teenagers in our family or it can divide us from them. There are simple ways to make music a positive experience for us all. In this second article I will look at alcohol.

Parties and alcohol

Part of growing up is experimenting with parts of the adult world. Alcohol is part of that process whether we like it or not. Where I live the legal age for buying and consuming alcohol is 18 but in other parts of the world it is higher or lower. To some teenage minds, the more something is banned the more attractive it seems.

Say No – Not under my roof?

The simple thing to do is say no to all consumption of alcohol until the young person is over the legal age. That may work. On the other hand it may encourage the youngsters to go out with their friends and try booze at friend’s homes or at the home’s of friends of friends perhaps in a situation where the folks are away for the weekend. Some teens do not look under-age and may be served in a bar. Many bars will ask for ID or proof of age but I have heard kids talking about how easy it is to get fake ID from the Internet.

Who will they learn from?

The basic question that you have to face up to it seems to me is do you want to introduce your children to alcohol and the good and bad side of drinking? Or do you want their friends to do it and let them find that all out for themselves? My wife and I discussed this and decided in consultation with the parents of some of our children’s friends that we should allow alcohol at a party at our house. The kids were then 16 or 17. Now we decided to monitor this carefully and discussed it fully with our daughter and she took a responsible attitude. The only rule we stated was no spirits.

The range of alco-pops available today mean that alcohol is not an acquired taste as it was when I was young. The drinks designed by the big drink companies to attract teens to alcohol today taste like sweet soda pops and fruit juices with added alcohol. I remember drinking my first glass of beer and I thought it tasted horrible. But in front of my friends I could not loose face and leave half of the glass.

Different cultures

Of course if I lived in France I would have introduced my children to wine from a very early age. There I have seen children as young as five being given a slug of wine in their glass of water and as a result they grow up in a culture where wine is just an accepted part of life.

The party

So back to the party at our house. They arrived and we surreptitiously checked the bottles they all brought with them. There was lots of sweet wine, some Cava, quite a lot of bottled beer and a few bottles of water-melon flavor rum (alco-pop). We supplied mineral water and soft drinks and made sure none of the kids were drivers.

And we then retired to another part of the house and let them get on with it. There was noise and music and high spirits. One boy drank too much too quickly and went out to the back yard and was ill. The rest of them had a wild time, There was no damage, a few spills but no lasting damage. I was proud of the way my own kids behaved; they felt responsible for the well being of their friends.

There was some clearing up to do the morning after and the room needed ventilating. We have a no smoking policy at our home and this applies to guests of whatever age but stale, split alcohol has a smell that lingers for only a short while. And in the back yard there was some sick – but a bucket of water and it was all gone. I thought that was a small price to pay. I have seen kids of a similar age being sick in a gutter in a back alley down town. I would prefer my kids learning that if you drink too much too quick you will throw up in the safety of our back yard rather than in a city street with who knows who around.

Reviewing what we did

As my wife and I reviewed the experience we agreed that if these lovely young people were going to experiment with alcohol we would prefer them to do it when we were nearby and in a safe place where they would not get into greater trouble because of the effects of the booze. We could keep a discreet eye on them without intruding on their freedom. It encouraged a sense of responsibility in our kids who have developed a mature attitude to alcohol. It is no longer a forbidden fruit that they must get their hands on at all costs.

Some parents who have been much stricter at home have seen their kids go out into the city with their friends and made a fool of themselves in that harsh environment because of their ignorance of what alcohol does to you. Fortunately none has come to any harm but I think the way we did it has worked. I like a small drink now and then. I want my kids to appreciate the good things that I like and enjoy and do so in a responsible manner. Most of all I want them to become responsible, valuable members of society.