Stopping Your Ex From Seeing His Children
Some women are trying to prevent their kid’s fathers from seeing their children. Divorce is never easy, but the children are used as pawns and tools of manipulation to punish a man over, and over and over, as a woman I am often disgusted by other selfish women.
On many question and answer websites, and forums, it is not uncommon to read a mother’s plea asking for help on how she can stop her ex from seeing their children. Some requests are not as bad as others, while some clearly have no basis for their request. Often times it is related to money, the ex has not paid child support so the parent with the kids wants to prevent that person from seeing the kids.
In general I find these requests appalling. My child’s father passed away when she was 5 years old, she will never see him. How dare these women deny their child the right to see their father.
In many cases the man has the short end of the deal as it is, he takes the kids Friday night to Sunday afternoon – effectively killing any plans he has for going out on the weekend, while the mother is off having herself a good time.
Of course in some cases, such as where the man is violent towards his children, the woman should try to prevent the kids from being left alone with him, but all this selfish behavior as got to stop.
In general though these women are being selfish or petty.
Recently a question came up on WebAnswers in which the mother was concerned because her son was in the habit of leaving his bed and crawling in with her, she was worried that he might do this at his fathers home, claiming that the father had a new girl friend. Dear readers – do you see the problem here?
Had she stayed with the boy’s father, and not trained the boy to stay in his own bed, this would be a problem either way, so to suggest preventing the kids from going to see their dad because of a habit she created is absolutely petty!
So many simply ask if they can prevent the dad from seeing the kids because he owes so much money. How fair is that. The kid is the one who is ultimately punished, but perhaps the mother sees a way she can manipulate it so that the father looks like the bad guy again, rather than her looking like a petty woman. Granted he should have paid his support, but let us be honest here, many men are required to pay more support than actually goes to the kids in the first place.
So to all those women seeking to screw their ex over on his visitation rights, I just ask you what is your motivation? Are you acting as a result of a concern for your child, or some selfish need to destroy the man you once spread your legs for?
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Published in: Family
Ruby Hawk | Apr 30, 2012 | Reply
A child needs a mother and father, the only reason a child should be prevented from seeing a parent is in the case of abuse.
girishpuri | Apr 30, 2012 | Reply
Children should not be used as a tool, but you know it is a human tendency to punish in their own styles…
A Bromley | May 1, 2012 | Reply
I’m so in agreement with you. It takes two to make a marriage and two to cause the divorce. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions and keep the kids out of the middle. So many of these women are vindictive for their own personal reasons and it is time they grew up. Children are not to be used to manipulate the ex spouse. That is abuse. You shouldn’t abuse each other either. So it didn’t work. Get over it, grow up and move one. Good vent. Great article. Two thumbs up. You tell it like it is.
Bill M. Tracer | May 1, 2012 | Reply
I totally agree with you, with the only exception like you state, as in the case of an abusive parent.
travelnews | May 1, 2012 | Reply
Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions and keep the kids out of the middle. So many of these women are vindictive for their own personal reasons and it is time they grew up.
webseowriters | May 1, 2012 | Reply
good advice
clay hurtubise | May 1, 2012 | Reply
I agree with Ruby.
Many couples forget why they got married and had kids in the first place: it’s not the childs fault!
Thanks,
Clay
Kharla Jolly | May 1, 2012 | Reply
My ex would come to my home dead drunk, asking to visit our two children at 2:00AM. Then, he’d want to take them back with him for visitation, 65miles away. I’d make a pot of coffee(his favorite), sit and chit-chat until his speech was getting close to normal. I ALWAYS let him take the children. They were his life-line to a normal existance! Not all divorced women are mean and jealous.
MountainNana | May 2, 2012 | Reply
I agree 100% with this and we have a court system that often gives custody to the mother even when she is NOT the best parent for the children to be with. My son is divorced, not his will, he was the one going to school getting 4.0 in all classes after an on the job injury, while she sat home, smoked pot and used drugs and drank. Leaving the children alone while she slept for hours. Kids ate a bottle of flinstone vitamins one day, broke eggs and mixed it with cereal all over the floor. Wore a dirty diaper all day long. He would come home, work on his college papers and she and her newly divorced sister would go out. She was having affairs. Finally when he caught her with another man she divorced him and lied said he drank and used drugs, he not she was court ordered to go to 6 weeks drug testing. He passed. While she kept using. She said he abused her, he picked her up once to carry her downstairs in play and accidently hit her head on the railing.
Before divorced was granted she had the kids court order, he saw them weekends once a month. She had a string of “boyfriends” coming in to her apartment, she left the kids alone at night often and we know for a fact her bi sister sexually molested my sons daughter. One boy friend threw a beer bottle through a plate glass window. Another told her to lock the children in a small cupboard to punish them. She left the children at “Fred Meyers” alone in a shopping cart going three aisles over with her sister to look at make up. My then 4 year old granddaughter reached for some interesting object and tipped the cart over spilling out the 3 children in it. She hit a glass display case and a shard of glass just missed her jugular vein and cut her neck deeply. 17 stiches and she did not tell my son. He did not know until he got her a month later.
All these things in the report and for him the GAL said he was controlling because he would not let her drive the car to get milk for the kids. First Safeway was 4 blocks away easy walk, second he didn’t want her driving the car because it needed brakes and was dangerous. But he was not allowed to explain that. He was controlling because he did not want her seeing her “friends” He was not allowed to explain they were all ex boy friends, no girl friends. She did see 3 girlfriends and he tried to make new friends with couples and she would not even try to be friendly. They got divorced, she got custody, she continued having a lot of men friends in finding them on the internet. A new one every 2-3 weeks, Some times they lasted 6 weeks to 3 months. She finally remarried and it lasted 5 years, but he divorced her because she would not give up her boyfriends, and night life. She set her daughter up at age 13 with birth control he daughter did not use it for a year her mom kept at her to be sexual and pushed guys on her one a 19 year old boy. Finally she gave in, she got raped twice, she tried to commit suicide twice. Before that she lost an ovary because mom refused to listen she had pain and insisted it was gas for 6 weeks. My son had her for a holiday and she told him and us, we rushed her to the hospital and it was gangrined and the doctors said if we had waited 24 hours she would have died. The hospital noted the mother did not take her when she had pain for 6 weeks. She did not get them dental care and other needed medical. She still kept custody. She lied why her daughter tried to commit suicide and told the hospital it was because I said she was fat, and due to issues with her dad my son. Both lies. So now my son cannot see his daughter, except via counseling court ordered which her mom has not complied with for 14 months now. “Because it is up to my granddaughter when she starts counseling” Meanwhile my grandson 14 has come to live with his dad, tired of his mothers nightlife, bi-life and drug and alcohol use in which his sister is now also involved and encouraged by mom and the courts would not listen to my son or the school counselors or neighbors said my son was in abuse of conflict.
It scares us he might lose his daughter, she drinks and uses drugs and drives, parties hard and twice has been in danger of the “Becca” Bill for truancey and mom still had custody. She is living her teen life again through her daughter. We pray my son gets custody so he can get her help. But we have a crappy court system. My ex DIL did not want my son to see his kids at all, said he was abusive and controlling, because he did not keep Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Though he did have dinner with her family those holidays and he keeps other days, he tried to compromise she wouldn’t. All this mostly is about the money she even stated she did not want to share the income tax wanted to claim all the child credit for it. Even now my son has custody of his son. She was mad when all she got was $50 a month child support due to my son’s disability. He could not continue his education due to stress, pain, and had to have surgery. He is permanently disabled. She tried to get him to pay via court $450 a month each. The court said no on that. My son tried to tell her she could get that via his Social Security and finally she started doing it 2 years ago but it took her seven to apply for it.
My sister had similar behavior when she got custody of her 3 kids years ago, lots of men, drugs, and drinking and now she wonders at 61 why her kids are drug users, one in prison, one divorced 3 times, One has six kids out of wed lock and none married. Also they don’t visit her much and she did not want to be alone in her “Old age” She is. Sad. I see this over and over and sometimes the dad is not much better but often he is the better parent. Courts need to take a closer look than they do and bottom line Divorce should not even be a matter for the courts but for the church. Most churches would encourage counseling first and reconcilliation and divorce as a last resort if need due to abuse.
MountainNana | May 2, 2012 | Reply
I agree 100% with this and we have a court system that often gives custody to the mother even when she is NOT the best parent for the children to be with. My son is divorced, not his will, he was the one going to school getting 4.0 in all classes after an on the job injury, while she sat home, smoked pot and used drugs and drank. Leaving the children alone while she slept for hours. Kids ate a bottle of flinstone vitamins one day, broke eggs and mixed it with cereal all over the floor. Wore a dirty diaper all day long. He would come home, work on his college papers and she and her newly divorced sister would go out. She was having affairs. Finally when he caught her with another man she divorced him and lied said he drank and used drugs, he not she was court ordered to go to 6 weeks drug testing. He passed. While she kept using. She said he abused her, he picked her up once to carry her downstairs in play and accidently hit her head on the railing.
Before divorced was granted she had the kids court order, he saw them weekends once a month. She had a string of \”boyfriends\” coming in to her apartment, she left the kids alone at night often and we know for a fact her bi sister sexually molested my sons daughter. One boy friend threw a beer bottle through a plate glass window. Another told her to lock the children in a small cupboard to punish them. She left the children at \”Fred Meyers\” alone in a shopping cart going three aisles over with her sister to look at make up. My then 4 year old granddaughter reached for some interesting object and tipped the cart over spilling out the 3 children in it. She hit a glass display case and a shard of glass just missed her jugular vein and cut her neck deeply. 17 stiches and she did not tell my son. He did not know until he got her a month later.
All these things in the report and for him the GAL said he was controlling because he would not let her drive the car to get milk for the kids. First Safeway was 4 blocks away easy walk, second he didn\’t want her driving the car because it needed brakes and was dangerous. But he was not allowed to explain that. He was controlling because he did not want her seeing her \”friends\” He was not allowed to explain they were all ex boy friends, no girl friends. She did see 3 girlfriends and he tried to make new friends with couples and she would not even try to be friendly. They got divorced, she got custody, she continued having a lot of men friends in finding them on the internet. A new one every 2-3 weeks, Some times they lasted 6 weeks to 3 months. She finally remarried and it lasted 5 years, but he divorced her because she would not give up her boyfriends, and night life. She set her daughter up at age 13 with birth control he daughter did not use it for a year her mom kept at her to be sexual and pushed guys on her one a 19 year old boy. Finally she gave in, she got raped twice, she tried to commit suicide twice. Before that she lost an ovary because mom refused to listen she had pain and insisted it was gas for 6 weeks. My son had her for a holiday and she told him and us, we rushed her to the hospital and it was gangrined and the doctors said if we had waited 24 hours she would have died. The hospital noted the mother did not take her when she had pain for 6 weeks. She did not get them dental care and other needed medical. She still kept custody. She lied why her daughter tried to commit suicide and told the hospital it was because I said she was fat, and due to issues with her dad my son. Both lies. So now my son cannot see his daughter, except via counseling court ordered which her mom has not complied with for 14 months now. \”Because it is up to my granddaughter when she starts counseling\” Meanwhile my grandson 14 has come to live with his dad, tired of his mothers nightlife, bi-life and drug and alcohol use in which his sister is now also involved and encouraged by mom and the courts would not listen to my son or the school counselors or neighbors said my son was in abuse of conflict.
It scares us he might lose his daughter, she drinks and uses drugs and drives, parties hard and twice has been in danger of the \”Becca\” Bill for truancey and mom still had custody. She is living her teen life again through her daughter. We pray my son gets custody so he can get her help. But we have a crappy court system. My ex DIL did not want my son to see his kids at all, said he was abusive and controlling, because he did not keep Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Though he did have dinner with her family those holidays and he keeps other days, he tried to compromise she wouldn\’t. All this mostly is about the money she even stated she did not want to share the income tax wanted to claim all the child credit for it. Even now my son has custody of his son. She was mad when all she got was $50 a month child support due to my son\’s disability. He could not continue his education due to stress, pain, and had to have surgery. He is permanently disabled. She tried to get him to pay via court $450 a month each. The court said no on that. My son tried to tell her she could get that via his Social Security and finally she started doing it 2 years ago but it took her seven to apply for it.
My sister had similar behavior when she got custody of her 3 kids years ago, lots of men, drugs, and drinking and now she wonders at 61 why her kids are drug users, one in prison, one divorced 3 times, One has six kids out of wed lock and none married. Also they don\’t visit her much and she did not want to be alone in her \”Old age\” She is. Sad. I see this over and over and sometimes the dad is not much better but often he is the better parent. Courts need to take a closer look than they do and bottom line Divorce should not even be a matter for the courts but for the church. Most churches would encourage counseling first and reconcilliation and divorce as a last resort if need due to abuse.
MountainNana | May 2, 2012 | Reply
I agree 100% with this and we have a court system that often gives custody to the mother even when she is NOT the best parent for the children to be with. My son is divorced, not his will, he was the one going to school getting 4.0 in all classes after an on the job injury, while she sat home, smoked pot and used drugs and drank. Leaving the children alone while she slept for hours. Kids ate a bottle of flinstone vitamins one day, broke eggs and mixed it with cereal all over the floor. Wore a dirty diaper all day long. He would come home, work on his college papers and she and her newly divorced sister would go out. She was having affairs. Finally when he caught her with another man she divorced him and lied said he drank and used drugs, he not she was court ordered to go to 6 weeks drug testing. He passed. While she kept using. She said he abused her, he picked her up once to carry her downstairs in play and accidently hit her head on the railing.
Before divorced was granted she had the kids court order, he saw them weekends once a month. She had a string of \\\”boyfriends\\\” coming in to her apartment, she left the kids alone at night often and we know for a fact her bi sister sexually molested my sons daughter. One boy friend threw a beer bottle through a plate glass window. Another told her to lock the children in a small cupboard to punish them. She left the children at \\\”Fred Meyers\\\” alone in a shopping cart going three aisles over with her sister to look at make up. My then 4 year old granddaughter reached for some interesting object and tipped the cart over spilling out the 3 children in it. She hit a glass display case and a shard of glass just missed her jugular vein and cut her neck deeply. 17 stiches and she did not tell my son. He did not know until he got her a month later.
All these things in the report and for him the GAL said he was controlling because he would not let her drive the car to get milk for the kids. First Safeway was 4 blocks away easy walk, second he didn\\\’t want her driving the car because it needed brakes and was dangerous. But he was not allowed to explain that. He was controlling because he did not want her seeing her \\\”friends\\\” He was not allowed to explain they were all ex boy friends, no girl friends. She did see 3 girlfriends and he tried to make new friends with couples and she would not even try to be friendly. They got divorced, she got custody, she continued having a lot of men friends in finding them on the internet. A new one every 2-3 weeks, Some times they lasted 6 weeks to 3 months. She finally remarried and it lasted 5 years, but he divorced her because she would not give up her boyfriends, and night life. She set her daughter up at age 13 with birth control he daughter did not use it for a year her mom kept at her to be sexual and pushed guys on her one a 19 year old boy. Finally she gave in, she got raped twice, she tried to commit suicide twice. Before that she lost an ovary because mom refused to listen she had pain and insisted it was gas for 6 weeks. My son had her for a holiday and she told him and us, we rushed her to the hospital and it was gangrined and the doctors said if we had waited 24 hours she would have died. The hospital noted the mother did not take her when she had pain for 6 weeks. She did not get them dental care and other needed medical. She still kept custody. She lied why her daughter tried to commit suicide and told the hospital it was because I said she was fat, and due to issues with her dad my son. Both lies. So now my son cannot see his daughter, except via counseling court ordered which her mom has not complied with for 14 months now. \\\”Because it is up to my granddaughter when she starts counseling\\\” Meanwhile my grandson 14 has come to live with his dad, tired of his mothers nightlife, bi-life and drug and alcohol use in which his sister is now also involved and encouraged by mom and the courts would not listen to my son or the school counselors or neighbors said my son was in abuse of conflict.
It scares us he might lose his daughter, she drinks and uses drugs and drives, parties hard and twice has been in danger of the \\\”Becca\\\” Bill for truancey and mom still had custody. She is living her teen life again through her daughter. We pray my son gets custody so he can get her help. But we have a crappy court system. My ex DIL did not want my son to see his kids at all, said he was abusive and controlling, because he did not keep Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Though he did have dinner with her family those holidays and he keeps other days, he tried to compromise she wouldn\\\’t. All this mostly is about the money she even stated she did not want to share the income tax wanted to claim all the child credit for it. Even now my son has custody of his son. She was mad when all she got was $50 a month child support due to my son\\\’s disability. He could not continue his education due to stress, pain, and had to have surgery. He is permanently disabled. She tried to get him to pay via court $450 a month each. The court said no on that. My son tried to tell her she could get that via his Social Security and finally she started doing it 2 years ago but it took her seven to apply for it.
My sister had similar behavior when she got custody of her 3 kids years ago, lots of men, drugs, and drinking and now she wonders at 61 why her kids are drug users, one in prison, one divorced 3 times, One has six kids out of wed lock and none married. Also they don\\\’t visit her much and she did not want to be alone in her \\\”Old age\\\” She is. Sad. I see this over and over and sometimes the dad is not much better but often he is the better parent. Courts need to take a closer look than they do and bottom line Divorce should not even be a matter for the courts but for the church. Most churches would encourage counseling first and reconciliation and divorce as a last resort if need due to abuse.
MountainNana | May 2, 2012 | Reply
I agree 100% with this and we have a court system that often gives custody to the mother even when she is NOT the best parent for the children to be with. My son is divorced, not his will, he was the one going to school getting 4.0 in all classes after an on the job injury, while she sat home, smoked pot and used drugs and drank. Leaving the children alone while she slept for hours. Kids ate a bottle of flinstone vitamins one day, broke eggs and mixed it with cereal all over the floor. Wore a dirty diaper all day long. He would come home, work on his college papers and she and her newly divorced sister would go out. She was having affairs. Finally when he caught her with another man she divorced him and lied said he drank and used drugs, he not she was court ordered to go to 6 weeks drug testing. He passed. While she kept using. She said he abused her, he picked her up once to carry her downstairs in play and accidently hit her head on the railing.
Before divorced was granted she had the kids court order, he saw them weekends once a month. She had a string of “boyfriends” coming in to her apartment, she left the kids alone at night often and we know for a fact her bi sister sexually molested my sons daughter. One boy friend threw a beer bottle through a plate glass window. Another told her to lock the children in a small cupboard to punish them. She left the children at “Fred Meyers” alone in a shopping cart going three aisles over with her sister to look at make up. My then 4 year old granddaughter reached for some interesting object and tipped the cart over spilling out the 3 children in it. She hit a glass display case and a shard of glass just missed her jugular vein and cut her neck deeply. 17 stitches and she did not tell my son. He did not know until he got her a month later.
All these things in the report and for him the GAL said he was controlling because he would not let her drive the car to get milk for the kids. First Safeway was 4 blocks away easy walk, second he didn’t want her driving the car because it needed brakes and was dangerous. But he was not allowed to explain that. He was controlling because he did not want her seeing her “friends” He was not allowed to explain they were all ex boy friends, no girl friends. She did see 3 girlfriends and he tried to make new friends with couples and she would not even try to be friendly. They got divorced, she got custody, she continued having a lot of men friends in finding them on the internet. A new one every 2-3 weeks, Some times they lasted 6 weeks to 3 months. She finally remarried and it lasted 5 years, but he divorced her because she would not give up her boyfriends, and night life. She set her daughter up at age 13 with birth control he daughter did not use it for a year her mom kept at her to be sexual and pushed guys on her one a 19 year old boy. Finally she gave in, she got raped twice, she tried to commit suicide twice. Before that she lost an ovary because mom refused to listen she had pain and insisted it was gas for 6 weeks. My son had her for a holiday and she told him and us, we rushed her to the hospital and it was gangarined and the doctors said if we had waited 24 hours she would have died. The hospital noted the mother did not take her when she had pain for 6 weeks. She did not get them dental care and other needed medical. She still kept custody. She lied why her daughter tried to commit suicide and told the hospital it was because I said she was fat, and due to issues with her dad my son. Both lies. So now my son cannot see his daughter, except via counseling court ordered which her mom has not complied with for 14 months now. “Because it is up to my granddaughter when she starts counseling” Meanwhile my grandson 14 has come to live with his dad, tired of his mothers nightlife, bi-life and drug and alcohol use in which his sister is now also involved and encouraged by mom and the courts would not listen to my son or the school counselors or neighbors said my son was in abuse of conflict.
It scares us he might lose his daughter, she drinks and uses drugs and drives, parties hard and twice has been in danger of the “Becca” Bill for truant and mom still had custody. She is living her teen life again through her daughter. We pray my son gets custody so he can get her help. But we have a crappy court system. My ex DIL did not want my son to see his kids at all, said he was abusive and controlling, because he did not keep Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Though he did have dinner with her family those holidays and he keeps other days, he tried to compromise she wouldn’t. All this mostly is about the money she even stated she did not want to share the income tax wanted to claim all the child credit for it. Even now my son has custody of his son. She was mad when all she got was $50 a month child support due to my son’s disability. He could not continue his education due to stress, pain, and had to have surgery. He is permanently disabled. She tried to get him to pay via court $450 a month each. The court said no on that. My son tried to tell her she could get that via his Social Security and finally she started doing it 2 years ago but it took her seven to apply for it.
My sister had similar behavior when she got custody of her 3 kids years ago, lots of men, drugs, and drinking and now she wonders at 61 why her kids are drug users, one in prison, one divorced 3 times, One has six kids out of wed lock and none married. Also they don’t visit her much and she did not want to be alone in her “Old age” She is. Sad. I see this over and over and sometimes the dad is not much better but often he is the better parent. Courts need to take a closer look than they do and bottom line Divorce should not even be a matter for the courts but for the church. Most churches would encourage counseling first and reconciliation and divorce as a last resort if need due to abuse.
MountainNana | May 2, 2012 | Reply
This is very true and even in cases of abuse the dad can still have supervised visitation. And if he is complying with counseling and parenting classes, anger management etc things could be better. Often the non custodial parent does not have the court ordered money for child support. They are ordered to pay child support based on an income before the divorce. They suddenly have all their regular bills, utilities, home, food, auto upkeep, insurance, fees, mortgage or rent, Then the attorney fees and the spouses attorney fees sometimes. Plus court order and often they have lost their jobs due to the divorce and court proceedings. Finding a good paying job is not always easy. Children need both parents period. They should not be held for ransom and it should not be about the money which is a seperate issue which should not involve the children and the parental visitations.
JC Eberhart | May 5, 2012 | Reply
In any and every divorce the children are always the biggest losers. Either way, they lose a parent. They also usually lose their life as they knew it with no frame of reference from which to draw information that could otherwise help them adjust to the changes. Divorce can be necessary for matters of survival, both physical and mental. This having been said, for the sake of the children, do not involve them in the divorce and do not use them as pawns in power plays with the other parent. I’ve seen this type of selfish behavior come back to bite the parent who indulged in this destructiveness time and time again. Keep in mind that one day your children will grow-up and they will view your past decisions for them from an adult point of view. If you must keep children from a parent, do it legally, but make certain that your motives are clean, honest and in the best interest of the children.
PR Mace | May 13, 2012 | Reply
Children need both parents in their lives as long as the parent is not abusive. Our son is raising his two daughters alone because their mother doesn’t want to be a mother anymore, she signed all her rights away. While they have myself, my daughter and their other grandmother they still miss their mother. Sorry I got off on a rant.