Stay-at-home Moms Have It Tougher Than You Might Think

According to the United States Census Bureau, there were an estimated 5.5 million “stay-at-home” parents in 2004. Of those, 5.4 million were moms and 98,000 dads, according to a report released today by the U.S. Census Bureau.

Stay-at-home parenting is definitely on the upswing. While mom is more often the parent who opts to remain at home with little Johnny or Susie, the trend is beginning to change. More men are choosing that option as well. A third emerging option is to get the grandparents involved on a daily basis; allowing them to serve in a surrogate parental role.

Whichever method is ultimately chosen, the consistent involvement of parents and/or grandparents in a child’s life is essential. They are, in essence, the first teachers that children experience. They are also the first – and often the most important – role models. Children tend to mirror parental behavior. They learn language skills from those who surround them. They pick up interests from those they trust and believe.

Rather than turning over the entire education of their children to teachers they seldom know parents are once again becoming interested in being an integral part of the overall educational process. Since education obviously begins at home, more emphasis is being spent on the family unit as a whole.

Another alarming trend, however, is the fact that some stay-at-home moms, dads, and grandparents are also being expected to take on the care of other children. Moms and dads that opt to, or absolutely must work, see the parent that stays home as someone who has the time – and obviously the inclination – to take care of children as a whole. That’s not necessarily a bad thing for the children and their parents, but it can be a complex one for the stay-at-home caregiver.

Case in point: My daughter is a stay-at-home mom. Once a regional director for Kirkland’s, pulling down a huge salary, she decided to spend her time and talents at home when my grandson was born. I applaud that decision. It has proven to be a very successful experience for her and her son. Both are extremely happy with the amount of time they get to spend together. I admit that I like having daily access to them as well.

Eager to make certain that her son has lots of friends and good socialization skills, my daughter’s home tends to be “the” place where all of the kids in the neighborhood hang out. In most instances, that is a very good thing. She even decided to provide before and after school care for working neighborhood parents for a nominal sum of money, significantly lower than any other similar program. This saves the parents a ton of money while also allowing her to put a little bit away for my grandson’s education.

My daughter doesn’t just watch these kids, however. She plans activities with them like crafts, special games, treasure and scavenger hunts, parties, and much more. She spends the full time with the kids and they adore her.

The problem, however, lies in the fact that other stay-at-home parents and part-time working parents are also sending their kids over to my daughter’s house to partake in the activities, events, etc. But rather than subscribing to my daughter’s services; they expect her to do freely, based on the fact that their child is a friend of my grandson.

Not being one who can ever willingly leave out a child, my daughter often ends up paying for activities for these children out of her own pocket. But those movie admissions, video games, admission to the local amusement park, etc. add up and eat into my daughter’s carefully planned budget. Again, while this may be a great situation for the children and the parents involved, it is hard the caregiver.

It is commendable that more parents are beginning to realize the importance of interpersonal relationships between parents, grandparents, and children. It is even commendable that they recognize good mentors and role models when they see them. However, it is also important for these individuals to understand their role in the overall scheme of things. The truth is, while children gravitate toward those who can and will spend time with them, ultimately it is mom and dad’s attention that they crave.