Sibling Rivalry

According to the Oxford Dictionary the meaning of Rivalry is, “competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field” (2012 oxford University press). And as we all know Sibling means, Brother or Sister.

It’s inevitable; at some stage as parents we will experience the frustration of dealing with Sibling Rivalry. At first, as a mother of three healthy, loud and extremely vibrant children, I actually thought this would not be a tough a hurdle to overcome.

There are varying degrees of sibling rivalry, from the constant little niggles and the mind games, to actual physical contact. No matter which line of attack is taken it always comes back to one thing, competition for a certain object or competition for parents’ attention. Each child has a different personality and temperament of which requires different attention at different times, therefore each form of rivalry needs to be addressed differently as well.

Reasons as to why children fight or disagree tend to differ; the main areas appear to be, evolving mental and physical needs, individual personalities and importantly parents as roles models. Each of my children, of which I have studied closely over the past seven years, are at different growth, communication and learning levels, therefore at different stages of understanding one another’s needs. “For example, toddlers are naturally protective of their toys and belongings, and are learning to assert their will, which they’ll do at every turn.” (1995-2012 The Nemours Foundation. All rights reserved. The Kidshealth website). It might be hard for a four year old to understand why the one year old has just happened to pick up their car and suck on it.

Personality and Temperament plays a big part; for example, one child might be extremely active and have a short temper and another maybe rather laid back and calm in nature. Therefore each child may not understand the others motivation, they can see the same situation but in different ways. 

It can sometimes help, if you foresee a disagreement unfolding, to divert their attention elsewhere by redirecting the child’s energy in more of a positive direction. For example, if I can see my active five-year-old child bouncing around like a grasshopper, we try to direct him outside before getting in the others way, or otherwise he might be asked to assist in me a physical task.

We as parents really do play a large part in the habits and mannerisms that are formed in our children. If parents are constantly raising their voices, slamming doors and using bad language in order to solve an argument or problem then this behavior will most definitely be mirrored. Our children will then learn and create these same habits. Children are generally willing to learn, they seem to have this amazing ability to watch, learn and mimic extremely well. Therefore if they’re exposed to this type of problem solving on a regular basis it is inevitable that they will learn to problem solve through arguing loudly and physically. “The way that parents resolve problems and disagreements sets a strong example for kids.” (1995-2012 The Nemours Foundation.)