Sibling Fights Can be Good for Your Kids

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Siblings fight over anything, and everything. A parent having more than one kid knows very well what sibling wars are. Fighting can actually be beneficial for siblings. Here are the reasons why:

• These intense arguments common between siblings helps them develop understanding of relationships and a variety of constructive skills. When siblings fight and then make up, they learn that anger is natural and that relationships can survive disagreements.
• Arguments help children develop language skills.   This is due to the fact that children learn how to use words rather than physical struggle to make their feelings known.
• These spats help kids practice standing their ground. Seymour Reit, educational consultant and author of Sibling Rivalry says, “a child knows the relationship will endure, even after a terrible argument.” Learning how to defend themselves in the safety of the family gives children a sense of security about making their needs known , which they can rely on in other relationships.
• Sibling fights train children to cope with day-to-day difficulties of non-family relationships. “Over time, youngsters develop problem-solving skills, such as how to settle an argument to the satisfaction of both parties. They then generalize these lessons to relationships with their peers.” Explains Gene Brody Ph.D. of the Center for Family Research at the University of Georgia.

Stopping a fight: When do you step in?

When a fight has crossed the line into physical violence of verbal humiliation, you must intervene. Sometimes one sibling may already be overly upset. This is another reason to break up a fight. At other times, you simply just can’t take the yelling anymore. Here’s what you can do:

• Separate the children, and with a firm voice tell them, “I want the fighting to stop right now.” Avoid assigning blame because it doesn’t matter who started it; what matters is that you want the arguments to stop. “Frequently, children even forget the original basis of the argument.” Says Reit.
• Encourage compromise. Offer several options to your children. For example, if two siblings are arguing over the use of the computer, you might say, “You have three choices. We can set a timer so that each of you can play with the computer for 15 minutes, or you can choose a game that has two players, or you can just play another game altogether.”
• If all else fails, insist that they play by themselves. Often, just the thread of separation may be enough to quell a fight. Frequently, that’s the last thing siblings want.