Raising Preteens

Everyone rants and raves when they discover that their children are becoming teenagers. There are however worse things in life. This is known as the “preteen years”. This is the time when your children develop little minds of their own and start their bid for independence.

First and foremost, don’t panic. Every parent has been through it and most survive it. There are a couple of things you can do to make the transition easier on both you and your child.

Open the Lines of Communication

Let your child know that they can talk to you about anything. Whether it’s the kid at school calling him names or the girl he likes in class. Talking is so important now. They need to know that they can come to you. Especially with the start of peer pressure at this age and the not so hidden dangers of drug, sex, violence and the like.

Set the Limits

Together make a list or contract of the things that are not acceptable in the household. Clearly define what you expect from your child and in turn allow them to make a few rules of their own. Such as having to knock before entering their room, or how much TV or Internet they should be allowed to have daily. Both of you should sign it and file for future reference. Make sure you both understand the ‘rules’. You should also go over the expected punishment for both of you if these rules are broken. A good punishment for a parent is the child gets to pick dinner for that evening or what movie to watch.

Pick Your Battles

Every parent in the world wants their children to clean their room, do their homework, be home on time etc. We would all truly like to have almost perfect kids. The reality is kids screw up just like adults. It is up to you to decide what you have to confront and what you are willing to let slide. Junior leave his socks in the floor for the fifteenth time? Ask yourself this, was my child being purposely disrespectful or hurtful, will he harm someone else by this action, will he endanger himself by this action, is this likely to get him jail time? I am a strong advocate of disciplining children but I’ve learned something very important over the years. The more you harp on a child the more combative and hard to cope with they will become.

Positive Reinforcement

Don’t be afraid you’re going to spoil your children by taking them somewhere special if they bring home good grades or make an extremely mature judgement call. Sometimes the reward system works. It help validate the good they do and teaches them that striving for excellence pays off. This however is not the case in all situations and should not be used all the time.

Involvement in Extracurricular Activities

It doesn’t matter if it’s a sport, music, skateboarding or hanging out in the shop with his dad. Every child needs an interest. It helps develop their character and usually helps combat turning to drugs or other mischief to occupy their time.

The important thing to remember is that although your child continually accuses you of being from a different planet and having no idea what it’s like to be him,for the most part children deep down want to please their parents. And they want to know that you love them no matter what. And you do, so hang in there, you only have eight years to go.