Poor Parenting: Boys Will be Boys
by B Nelson on Oct 31, 2009 with 18 Comments
If there is any worse excuse for poor parenting, this is it: “Boys will be boys”. Have you ever noticed that parents make excuses for boys bad behavior?
Parents need to stop using “Boys will be Boys” as an excuse not to do something. What mothers need to do is to try and raise a boy into the type of man she would like to marry. What fathers need to do is to try and raise a boy that does not have any of his bad habits, the ones his wife nags him about.
A boy should not be allowed to get away with bad behaviors simply because he is a boy. His gender should not excuse him for poor eating habits, sloppy personal hygiene, or a messy room, nor should it be an excuse for anger and violent emotions.
Anger
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dionhinchcliffe/3978517542/
Let us look at anger first. Sadly this is an emotion that may be brought about by denying a child to show other emotions, such as sorrow, or pity. Boys are taught to be tough. Anger is sometimes the only emotion a boy is allowed to show, especially when they are denied the right to cry. Instead they become angry at what caused them pain rather than dealing with the pain itself. This can be physical pain or emotional. It starts out in small school yard fights, rough housing with siblings, but can grow in to domestic violence and bar fights. If parents do not want to raise a boy who is going to grow into an angry adult, they must allow that boy to be in touch with his softer side. There is no shortage of angry men in the world.
Table Manners
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pragmatopian/466910493/ Eating with ones hands is only allowed with some foods and only allowed in some cultures.
Girls are taught how to set a table, and how to clean it. Because they are often called upon to help they are generally more respecting at the table and keep things neater knowing they are going to be responsible for the clean up. Boys are often sloppy, knowing that they don’t have to clean it up they are seldom aware of the mess created by food falling off the plate, and so forth.
Additional table manners often overlooked in male children will often become bones of contention in marriages. Eating with ones mouth open, talking with food in ones mouth, and having the elbows on the table, are all bad habits commonly seen in men. Undoubtedly these habits formed when they were boys.
Personal Hygiene
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Some men stink. Either they are unaware of their natural body odor of they have used far too much cologne to cover it up. Men need to learn as boys to be responsible about their body odors, and recognize that one can very seldom smell oneself, but others can. As boys they need to learn to wash regularly and change their clothing frequently. Clothing worn more than a couple times will be dirty and may even smell, especially if one is exerting oneself. Clean teeth are important, not only for appearance sake, but to reduce bad breath.
Messy Rooms
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tachyondecay/2067319449/
We often hear the complaint that men throw their dirty laundry anywhere and everywhere. This is a habit that would have formed at an early age, by boys whose mothers picked up after them. Wouldn’t it be easier for the parent to nip the problem at the start of it rather than encouraging it to grow? It is a simple matter of telling a child to not leave their things where they do not belong. Starting early is best. To that end, having them help with washing the laundry makes them understand why it is better that dirty things be put where they need to go. A parent is advised never to pick up after a child who is old enough to pick up after themselves.
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Published in: Family
cutedrishti8 | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
Great post…my daughter never place the things on right place
littlekid137 | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
Interesting thoughts. my mom doesn’t put up with this type of stuff from me. She expects me to be a gentleman and practice good manners there are never any good excues my mom likes to use the quote “Excuses are like butts, everyones has one and they all stink”
Great post.
Darla Smith | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
I hope my son doesn’t end up with the bad attitude, bad manners and anger that his dad has.
ken bultman | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
Pretty good piece if you’re speaking in generalities. I’ve known stinky women and those with lousy table manners. At our mall more teenage girls are arrested for fighting and disturbing the peace than teenage boys. And for public nudity.
CaSundara | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
What you said about anger needs to be read by the mothers of all sons. Great article.
Petalm | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
I agree but it is difficult to do when there are influences all around and bad examples in the family.
mo hoyal | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
This is a good, good article b, and a lot of excuese seem to be made but a boy should be raised with manners and hygeine and that’s it, no doubt about it. Those boys who raise themselves are a living nightmare, I speak from personal experience!
Not to brag, but my son, now in his 40’s, is neat as a pin and his home and yard exemplify that, I am proud of him. I also agree with Ken Bultman though-girls can be nasty and promiscious and troublesome-it’s all in how they are being raised!
Thanks for another insightful article by you!
lillyrose | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
Great write B. I have 3 sons and they and my husband are encouraged to show their feminine side, however the picking up of dirty laundry is more difficult than it sounds. My 18 year old has a wash basket but his washing still ends up on the floor, I don’t pick it up and it doesn’t get washed if he doesn’t bring into the laundry room! He is moving out soon hopefully, then he will have to deal with his washing by his self.
martie | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
When I was raising my children, they all learned to cook, set the table, pick up, and change their car tires and check their oil.
They were all polite most of the time.
BradONeill | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
Interesting article B. I am a man who has an explosive temper I never let my anger evolve into harming other people but I have been known to break things that belong to myself on occasion. This has always troubled my wife as she is a sweet wonderful person. A few years ago she was given a medication for something that contained a steroid. She had been on the medication a few days and she was working on the computer something frustrated her with online banking or some such thing and out of nowhere she picked up the keyboard and slammed it into the desk screaming at the computer. I looked up from my lazy boy kind of surprised as this was extremely out of character for her and she said “is this what its like to be a man? If so you can ****ing have it.” I burst out laughing. There is just something in male hormones that makes us a bit more explosive than women. The key is learning to control it and learning when it is appropriate to go ahead and let it fly.
BradONeill | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
By the way I am going to Ken Bultmans mall as soon as I can find it!!!! that sounds like a great place!
Sourav | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
Be disciplined. that’s the key whoever you are.
B Nelson | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
LOL Brad, that is the funniest comment ever.
And indeed Girls have problem areas too, I think role models like Paris Hilton etc. are more the cause of their problems than are parents – although parents certainly play a role.
by the way Kens mall is somewhere in Florida.
PR Mace | Oct 31, 2009 | Reply
I have to agree with Ken on the girls part. Some girls are as bad or worse than boys. I made both my children a boy and a girl set the table, clean their rooms and as they got older laundry and how to pay bills and balance a checkbook. I never let our son get away with anything because boys with be boys.
Sweety | Nov 1, 2009 | Reply
Boys are boys. I use that comment not for the things you mentioned like being angry, lazy or having a messy room. I am a mother of two boys. One is a baby though! I will be using the comment because thay are pretty rough and tough to each other as kids, as well as with toys. They will try to climb the rocks and ride a cycle or they will run in the opposite direction so fast that I can hardly grab them. Giving bath to my two boys is pretty hard too. I am saying all these as l look after two boys 24/7. I have seen girls of my friends who can be made quiet just by scolding. Boys aren’t that way.
msterious13 | Nov 1, 2009 | Reply
That was a refreshing reminder to stop being lazy and start straighting up the attitude and act as a “role model” as a parent for kids to follow in their parents steps! Thanks…
Lostash | Nov 1, 2009 | Reply
I have to agree with some of the other comments here; I think in this day and age, girls can be a far greater handful than the lads. Some parents do their level best, but the kids still go astray. Peer pressure is an equal factor in development.
amymartin1996 | Nov 4, 2009 | Reply
You are damn right!
In addition, they should be taught to view women as human beings with feelings just like them not as mothers or sex objects.