Parental Problems are Destroying the Next Generation

Parents often refer to children as the “next generation,” the generation that will some day lead the various nations around the world and make decisions that will impact the fate of the nation, if not the world. Many of these adults, however, do not realize the catastrophic harm they are causing to this “next generation” by not being the parent—that is, an older authoritative figure responsible for the nurturing of the child. These parents are not aware of their behaviors around their children, or are not aware that their child is watching. As a result, these children, particularly those who are in their toddler years, pick up these behaviors and exhibit them, the majority of said behaviors bringing various consequences to both the child and those around them. If the child is not disciplined properly after performing these negative actions, they will continue to perform these actions throughout their life, leading to disastrous results. Should the parent halt their misbehavior at a young age, however, then the problem can be attacked and nullified before it becomes a serious threat. There have been countless occasions where the lack of a powerful figure in a child’s life has resulted in the child being led to a life of punishment and crime, accounting for many criminals in both juvenile detention facilities and in prisons.

It appears to be an increasing trend for parents to essentially neglect their child by granting them with their materialistic wants, rather than their emotional needs. This deprives the child of basic needs, including guidance in the child’s life. In some extreme cases, this neglect by the parent can even lead to resentment for the parent, should the child ever feel as though they were abandoned.

Many children are also becoming the dominant figure in the household, possessing more power than the parents and fully utilizing that power to reach their own goals. Many parents are afraid to defy their children, as they fear the consequences that may result in it. Some children even threaten parents, and, in more extreme cases, kill the parents if they deem it necessary. Parents are living in fear of the child, which gives the child even more power.

In certain environments, such as that of a school, one can easily determine how a child was raised due to its behavior patterns. If the student is more respectful and hard-working, then it is likely that he or she was raised with parents who held a strong position above the child, rewarding good behaviors and punishing bad behaviors. If the student rarely cooperates with their peers and teachers and refuses to do their schoolwork, then it is likely that the parent had little to no part in the child’s life, essentially giving the child permission to misbehave and roam around the world doing as they please. Since poorly behaving children often have a negative impact on society, it is vital that parents obtain and retain their authoritative figures they were place at and take control of their child’s actions, in order to allow the next generation to properly conduct business and live a fulfilling life void of crime and disrespect.

Learning is an important part of any child’s life, where the child picks up both positive and negative actions. It is up to others, however, to reward the child for their positive actions while taking proper disciplinary measurements towards negative actions. Parents are a main source of information for a child: they teach the child to walk, talk, and do simple mathematics. But many parents do not realize that they also teach their children their own poor behaviors, including drinking, smoking, and cursing.

In 1965, a scientist by the name of Bandura conducted an experiment regarding learned aggressive behavior (Psychology: An Introduction, 210). In this experiment, children were exposed to an adult who was viciously attacking an inflated doll, and received various repercussions as a result—some positive, some negative, and some with no consequence. The children, without being told to do so, replicated the behavior that the adult portrayed towards the same inflated doll, particularly if there we no consequences or if the adult was rewarded.

Some children are also exposed to an abusive relationship between the parents, which contributes to the child’s poor behavior. Other parents force their child into a particular activity, such as a sport or musical instrument, which the child has no desire to participate in, which can lead to the child feeling as though they have no decisions in the world. It is important for parents to remain aware of their behaviors around their young children, and to be sure that the child is not picking up any habits that the parent may not want the child to receive. If the child is doing so, the parent must be responsible for disciplining the child and ensuring that they understand right from wrong.

The use of alcohol has become an acceptable part of modern society around the world, but drinking age restrictions are established so that young children do not harm themselves or others by consuming alcohol. Many children, however, witness their parents or other adults drinking alcoholic beverages, and attempt to drink alcohol as well. If they are shown to proper drinking mechanics, many of these children do not become alcoholics later in life. In Psychology: An Introduction, it is stated that “some researchers have suggested that culture can be an important influence” (Morris 161). It continues to explain that other people the person comes into contact with, such as a parent, may essentially induce their heavy drinking habits onto the person. Some children even resort to other unconventional methods that they have learned by watching their parents. In an episode of Fox 35’s House, called “Simple Explanation,” a little girl who is to be part in a pageant is taken to Dr. Gregory House, because, according to her mother, “there’s something wrong inside her head. It’s like she has no idea what’s going on around her” (6 Apr. 2009). Dr. House quickly recognizes the scent of mouthwash under her perfumes and other odors, and learns that the child was drinking her mother’s mouthwash because she’s “gotta be perfect” for the pageant and that “Mommy doesn’t” spit out the mouthwash. The mother is dumbfounded to realize that she is the cause of her daughter’s drunkenness, simply because she was unaware that her behaviors could impact her child so drastically.

Smoking, as well as the use of various drugs, is another environmental factor that can follow a child throughout their life, operating in a method similar to that of alcohol. The child witnesses an adult smoking a cigarette, or injecting themselves with heroin, and wants to do the same. Since parents serve as a role model for their children, the children often try to replicate what actions the parents take. These children often become drug abusers even as juveniles, and are often taken to the proper juvenile detention facilities. According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, between the years of 1995 and 1999, approximately 73 percent of suicides in these facilities had a history of drug abuse, the main substances being alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine (“Characteristics of Juvenile Suicide in Confinement”). Many of these teenagers were exposed to these drugs at a younger age, most likely becoming addicted to them as time progressed. Many children also learn various curse words from their parents after hearing those older adults call someone a certain name. It is vital, therefore, that parents watch their behaviors around their children, as they never know what activities may affect their young ones at an older age.

Many children are affected by depression, and this number increases yearly mainly due to the parents’ actions. Some parents force their children into certain activities, regardless of the child’s objections, which causes psychological harm to the child and can develop into depression. In Peter Carey’s The Big Bazoohley, Sam, the main character, meets a young boy named Wilfred, whose parents force him into the Perfecto Kiddo competition year after year. Wilfred does not want to be part of this competition, however, since his parents set about a certain criteria that have to be met by Wilfred to increase his chances of winning the grand prize of $10,000. Sam even learns that Wilfred is not allowed to wear a baseball cap, which deeply saddens him. His parents, however, ignore his desperate cries at freedom, forcing him to properly eat spaghetti without staining his shirt and act like a “Perfecto Kiddo.” Parents must not ignore their children, as this selfish act can cause serious harm to the child, and should listen to the child’s needs and wants, even if they are not able to grant them all to the child.

In such an industrialized society where business runs America and time seems to be scarce, many parents claim that they are unable to find the time to discipline their child. Babysitters have become a common solution, but many babysitters lack the hierarchal position that many parents have. Many parents also try to appease their children with material gifts, and allow the child to roam the neighborhood as long as they are with others. This easily leaves the child susceptible to troubling situations, which may include teenage pregnancy. It is the parent’s responsibility, then, to ensure that their children are well taken care of, and that they spend some time with their children to embed morals and values into their lives so that they may become wiser and make better decisions.

One of the worst ways a parent can ignore their child is to simply grant the child their every wish, particularly with items. By consistently feeding the child with their desires, the child begins to believe that it can easily obtain anything it could possibly ask for. They then take this mentality with them in public, including school. If a child is accustomed to receiving what they want, and then they are denied their wants, they can easily lose control and become a savage beast. Many children have even hit parents because they weren’t given what they wanted, and many parents do nothing about this. The typical “temper tantrum” many toddlers experience is common, but it must be controlled by the parent, or this “tantrum” can become a guideline for the rest of the child’s life.

As many parents work several jobs and are rarely ever home, many children and teenagers do not spend time with their parents, and many parents allow their children to do as they please, which often includes the child’s friends. Friends can also impact the child’s upbringing, as they may have obtained certain characteristics from their parents that may be considered unfavorable. Peer pressure may even force the child to perform tasks that they would normally not consider, such as drinking or smoking. Since the parent is too busy with work, they may not realize what the child is doing when they are not around. This lack of supervision in the child’s life can cause catastrophic events to occur in both the parents’ lives and the life of the child. There are countless occasions where a female teenager was left unsupervised with her friends and suffered consequences from it. The teenager may have gone to a party and was raped by someone else there, which may have led the teenager to become pregnant. In Season 2 of Degrassi: The Next Generation, Paige Michalchuk is left alone with a man named Dean at a party, where she is raped (“Shout” 3 Nov. 2002). Although this is merely a fictional storyline, the events that occur in this teenage soap opera are quite realistic, teaching important values that should be taken away by the audience.

Many children do not feel comfortable around their parents, and often do not come to their parents for advice or for personal problems, preferring to talk to their friends first. While the most common reason is that most children find it awkward to talk about certain subjects with their parents, many children believe that the parents simply do not care, or care little, about the child’s problems. This belief is reinforced if the child spends little time with their parents, as they begin to feel neglected over time. Many children initially try talking about certain subjects with their parents, and based on the replies they receive, they condition themselves and learn whether or not to talk about those topics again. If a child asks his mom how babies are born and she completely ignores his question, the child is likely to feel as though he can not ask his mother about that topic again, particularly if she consistently avoids that subject. It is important, therefore, for parents to talk to their children and establish good communication so that the child does not feel neglected.

One of the parent’s main responsibilities as a parent is to ensure that the child is well nurtured, which can not be completed if the parent chooses to ignore the child rather than understand the child. Parents need to set boundaries and limitations for the child, instead of giving them whatever they desire. By having to work for a goal rather than having the goal automatically achieved, a child is able to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, and they would be able to retain this feeling as motivation for future endeavors. These adults should also ensure that there is always someone to oversee the children’s activities in an attempt to limit bad behavior that may occur. Most importantly, however, a parent should never avoid any of their child’s questions, as this can create an unstable relationship between the parent and child. Children, particularly young children, learn mainly through observation and questioning, and if one of these learning methods is nullified, the child will become hindered later in life. It is also important that the parent does not set too strict regulations, as this can cause the child to become reserved and distrustful (Psychology: An Introduction, Morris 358).

As parents give in to their child’s demands, or they fail to discipline their child when the time is necessary, the child begins to gain dominance over the parent, which can lead to disastrous results later in life. This often results from a “temper tantrum” that was not controlled, or the tantrum may be the result of a lack of limitations and discipline. If action is not taken immediately to stop this poor behavior, the child may even resort to physical actions towards the parents, including slapping and hitting the parents. When these children reach certain ages and have obtained a certain amount of power and authority over others, they become a nearly unstoppable force to be reckoned with. The scenario where a child possesses more power than a parent or other authoritative figure is a common sight in television programs that includes both cartoon shows and dramatic movies, and the parents simply add to the power of these children by giving in to their demands and cowering in fear of what might happen should they disobey their children. While it may seem like a parallel society, it is actually reality, and it must be addressed immediately and with full parental force.

As time progresses and new generations are created, the amount of children who are physically hitting their parents seems to be increasing. Many parents do not properly discipline their child after they hit their parents, and this lack of discipline tends to tell the child that it is normal and accepted for them to hit. Psychologist Gwen Randall-Young tells her audience in an article in Daily Living that “if a child has such disrespect for parental authority, he/she will not respect other authority figures, be it teachers, principals, or police officers” (“When Children Hit Parents”). Randall-Young also continues to explain the different ways in which children learn to hit, which includes watching a parent abuse their spouse, parents punishing their children through hitting, and simply out of frustration, with no prior hitting scenario being observed by the child. These often cause the child to hit because the child learns that the stronger individual can overcome the weaker individual, and if proper disciplinary measures are not taken, the child can rise to become this stronger individual.

In America, as well as other countries around the world, child abuse has become a major problem, but various cases of child abuse are not actual abuse, but discipline. Since many parents resort to smacking their child as a way of teaching them right from wrong—hoping that the pain that is experienced will tell the child that their actions are wrong—children often threaten these parents who use brute force to discipline their children. Many parents fear prison and being arrested, so often they will give in to their child’s demands when the child threatens to call the police and report child abuse. As an example, a teenager might ask to go to the movies with some friends, but the parents refuse to let her go because she is grounded for staying out past her curfew. The teenager, then, threatens the parents, saying that if they don’t let her go she will call the police and will tell them that her parents have been abusing her. Out of fear, the parents reluctantly let her go to the movies. The Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act, however, defines child abuse as “any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm” (“Definitions in Federal Law”). Simply smacking a child does not result in physical or emotional harm as long as the hit is not placed on a vital part of the body, such as the back or the head, and the hit is not hard enough to damage the skin. For this reason, most parents hit the child’s rear, which is safely cushioned and often does not cause any bodily harm to the child other than a brief sensation of pain.

Many parents are becoming outraged at their child’s disregard for their authority, and are asking many professionals and successful parents for help. Children, particularly teenagers, tend to disobey their parents, acting as though they are nothing more than a voice in a body. The parents of these children often tell them not to do something, but the child does it anyway. If repercussions do not follow the disobeying of authority, it will become a habit for children to disobey authorities.

The surreal scenario of children having more power than the parents can be seen commonly both in real life and in the imaginative programs of television. A common children’s show, The Fairly OddParents, features Vicky, a mean babysitter, as a main character in the episode “Timmy’s 2-D House of Horror” (10 May 2005). After her house is destroyed by Timmy’s wish that the lava on the television is in real life, Timmy’s parents invite Vicky’s family to stay at their house. Vicky, however, threatens her parents by holding a snake above their heads, causing her mother to say, “Oh, we couldn’t possibly. Vicky and her new snake friend wouldn’t like that.” She also makes the comment later in the episode that they like staying over the Turner household because they have “eyewitnesses to Vicky’s cruelness,” but later “corrects” herself to say Vicky’s kindness, for fear of what her child could do to her and her husband. By not being the authority in the household, the parents have allowed their child to dominate the household and their lives. Although it may just be a cartoon that appeals largely to children, the lifestyles of the characters in this comical show reflect the lifestyles of people in the world, a sad but true display of a lack of parental power.

A famous scandal involving five members of a cheerleading squad from a high school in Texas is said to be caused by a lack of proper authorities to correct the problem (“Cheerleaders Gone Wild” ABC News). These girls, known as the “Fab Five …acted like they could get away with anything and refused to bend to authority.” Eventually, they posted sexually suggestive pictures of themselves on MySpace, but the school still did not take proper action against these girls. They even sent dirty text messages to one of their coach’s husband, claims Michaela Ward, who coached them briefly before quitting. The Fab Five’s ringleader was the principal’s daughter, which most likely accounted for the lack of action taken against these girls. In many people’s eyes, this woman failed as both a principal and a mother for letting her daughter behave in such an appalling manner.

Raising a child so that he or she becomes obedient and respectful is much like training a dog at a young age, since both involve basic procedures to establish dominance among certain individuals and ensure that balance is kept throughout the life of both the parent/owner and the child/dog. In many cases, what the parent or owner is giving the child or dog is not what the child or dog needs in order to be successful. Parents need to ensure that their children are properly discipline, but they must also be sure that they are not abusing their child. Parents must not back down and give in to their child’s demands, as this grants power to the child and takes power away from the parent. One of the most important aspects of discipline that is often overlooked is to discipline the child at all ages, from a young toddler to an older teenager. Children who are not disciplined at all ages will often become troubling children, as they begin to cross the line that was once drawn and are not punished for it. Finally, although a parent should be strict with regulating rules, a good parent will also make an attempt to understand their child and help them with any problems they may occur as they travel through the large cycle of life. By doing so, a parent will help a child gain confidence and be more knowledgeable about various aspects, and the child will also be more comfortable around the parents.

While child abuse can lead a child both physically and emotionally scarred, proper disciplinary techniques are a proven method of teaching a child right from wrong, which allows them to thrive in the world, similar to the proper training method of dogs. In Cesar Millan’s book Cesar’s Way, there is a fan letter by a woman that has used the techniques Cesar Millan provides to his clients for dog problems. She writes:

I am a 41-year-old mother of 2 (a 5-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter). I was having a terrible time disciplining them (I learned they had no boundaries and limitations). My kids were pushing me around, literally, in public places and at home. And then I saw your show.

Since then I have trained myself to become a more assertive parent, using a more authority energy, demanding my space as an authority figure. I have also trained myself not to ask and beg them to do things, but to tell them to do things (such as clean up their room, clean their eating area, and put away their laundered clothes). My life has changed and so have they. To my amazement, my children have become more disciplined (and there’s less fighting) and I found they actually like responsibilities and chores. They are proud when they accomplish a given task and I am just thrilled. (“Introduction” 5)[CE1] 

By disciplining her children, this woman was able to create a healthier environment for both herself and her two young children. She made herself the person in charge in the household, and commanded her children to do common tasks. By taking dog discipline techniques and applying them to her children, she was able to create more favorable children, making her a happier parent of two disciplined children.

When a parent does not give in to a child’s demands, the child has a tendency to understand that they have no power over the parent, and should not test the parent. At a young age, many children try various ways to see exactly how far they can take a particular behavior, and repetition is one of the ways in which this is calculated. If a parent says no to the behavior a couple of times, but then shows no interest when the behavior is repeated, the child believes that they have gained control over the parent and is able to do the behavior without being reprehended in any way. Consistency is one of the main factors that determines whether prior discipline measures will continuously be effective, or if they will wear down over time.

Many parents believe that the only ages where children learn proper manners, and thus only need to be disciplined, are when they are young. This is untrue, however. A child should be disciplined whenever they do something wrong, regardless of their age. Poor behavior is something that can easily elevate into something much more dangerous, and many criminals arise from a lack of discipline at any age. By continuously disciplining a child, a parent will always assert themselves over the child, and will always be the one that has control over the other. Humans will always make mistakes, but the most vital part of mistakes is learning from them. If a teenager is not punished for, say, sneaking out at night, then the teenager will continuously do so, which can lead to a problematic situation for both the teenager and the parents. Many teenagers become pregnant because they were allowed to sneak out and were not disciplined. By continuously making the same mistake, a person is bound to wind up in a position where they do not want to be.

Parents often believe that their children are problematic because of their natural behaviors, and that the way they were born is the way they will forever be. This is also a misconception, since proper discipline and the implication of morals and values can easily shape the child’s character. A child in his toddler years may be an aggressive fighter who has a temper as short as a blade of grass, but if his parents properly discipline him and make him aware that his temper needs to be controlled, then the child can grow up to be a caring individual that can control his temper and tries to stay out of trouble.

In a busy society where parents spend a small amount of time with their children, it is easy for the child to begin to feel neglected, and, in some cases, feel as though they are a burden to the parent. It is important that quality time is spent with the child, to ensure that they do not become reclusive or depressed. It is also vital that the parents are able to talk to the child, and that the child partakes in conversations that may occur around them. This will ensure that the child feels as though they are a part of the family, and a valuable part in society.

The responsibility of the parent is one that is of the utmost importance, as their performance has the ability to shape the outcome of the world. Parents should always be aware of their actions, particularly when around young children, as these children may pick up poorer habits that the parents have demonstrated. It is also vital that parents do not ignore their children in any way, but deal with them as often as possible. Simply giving the child what he or she wants in an attempt to keep them satisfied will not help their behavior, but will only destroy it. This act of giving will insert into the child’s mind that they have the ability to receive anything that they desire, which can cause problems in school and work environments. Parents should also ensure that someone is always supervising their children to prevent the child from becoming a major participant in their downfall. Children must never have more authoritative power than the parents, and parents must always discipline their child when the need arises.

Ultimately, by teaching parents a variety of methods to discipline their children and become more assertive, parents will be able to create a new generation of children who will be able to lead due to the implication of values and morals through discipline. It is time that parents raise their expectations for their children, and that parents raise their expectations for themselves as well. In the end, a child’s behavior is largely impacted by the environment they were raised in. Many parents do not want to be embarrassed in a supermarket because they are being overwhelmed by a two-year-old son, or disgraced in a shoe store when their 14-year-old daughter is yelling at them because she wants a pair of shoes that is too expensive. If this next generation is to fully thrive and carry on the good name of the human race, parents must be responsible and do their part to ensure that the child they are raising is well nurtured and well disciplined.