Which is better? Pressuring or relaxing?
The Tiger Mom novel has brought out into the open the high pressure environment that S.E. Asian Mothers and families create in the pursuit of excellence. But is it a healthy thing do?
Being brought up in the softer western style of upbringing, it sounds like a terrifying thing, to ordered around by a Mother who is hell bent on your own success.
The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, written by Amy Chua, is a First hand experience of bringing up second generation Chinese Orign Children in America. Her attitude to her children’s lives was one of constant expectation. If the child was not getting A’s then the child would be repremanded. If the child made an unsatisfactory Birthday card, it had to be re done until it was of the desired standard. This is can produce children who are prodigies. The Mother in question had daughters who were highly articulate and capable in many different disciplines.
On the other side, it can produce socially stunted individuals that cannot interact and make choices for themselves. One of the consequences of intensive parenting is that the child becomes dependent. Separating the Mother and the child has do be done with this Tiger approach, else disaster may strike!
The softer Western expectation of encouraging rather than ordering is the standard for many households. Effort is encouraged but not necessarily ordered from the parents. The children are similarly comforted with encouragement rather than orders. There are times when this can produce a ’soft’ child, since they only know success. It can produce the same lack of drive that a helicopter Tiger Mom can produce but perhaps the socialisation of the child will be more fruitful since there is free time allowed, rather than hours of ‘after school clubs’
Perhaps the most important thing we should do is to encourage the best from our students, but also encourage a healthly mental and social development.
It’s very good to have a calculator for a child, but can it talk to anyone after it’s found the n th decimal of Pi?
Generally, balance is the most important thing we can teach and instill in our children.
Published in: Family