Leading a Double Life: How Long Can We Fake It?

Do you know your spouse? Watch out for the signs that he or she might be leading a double life.

‘I just found out through facebook that my husband of seven years has another family…please advise!’ I just came across this letter and it got me thinking. For how long can a person in a stable relationship keep a secret? I would forgive this lady if she had been a mere mistress or girlfriend for the seven years, but to be married for that long and miss the tell tale signs of a wayward husband is quite unfortunate to say the least. Is he truly your husband?

Men are not good at hiding secrets. Men are not good at leading a double life, it’s only fair to state that sometimes our women tend to overlook our weird behavior or simply take some abnormalities to be the norm when they should be questioning this.

How many times has your so called husband failed to come back home? A normal married home can not be away from his family for more than 24 hours, and no explanation is good enough to excuse this. If many a times he comes home in the wee hours of the night, or fails to come back home several times a week, it is time you smelt a rat. Some of my friends excuse this waywardness in an attempt to hold their families together but I dare say, a man who doesn’t see his wife and or children for such extended periods of life may actually be leading a double life and might as well be having another family.

So he traveled or so you think. He is attending a conference in a far away city, or simply the neighboring country. What trash? How many times a year can such lengthy conferences away from home take place? Wake up from your slumber and smell the coffee while still hot. Do not let these excuses ruin your happiness. You deserve better than a cheat who doesn’t want to take full responsibility but would rather divide his time between two or three women.

He mistreats you. You can’t take it any more but hang on for the sake of the children. His actions show clearly that he is fade up with you and has a better reception elsewhere. Children should never be an excuse in failing to fully open your eyes and undergoing suffering. I am a man and my father is a man therefore I know what am talking about. A man who is seeing another woman tends to neglect his first family with the hope that the problem will solve itself when the first woman realizes that enough is enough and quits. So there you are, waiting for him to realize that he is doing the wrong thing, waiting for him to make amends and return home. You are dead wrong. He will only come back when the second relationship does not work because for him you are his fall back plan. Is that what you want? You have to open your eyes and in most cases these signs are always there from the beginning, but we are often too smitten by love to notice.

One last thing, never marry someone thinking that after marriage they will change and become more responsible. Old habits die hard, and you can’t teach an old dog some new tricks. If you are in a relationship that is yet to be formalized, look out for the danger signs before it’s too late. We don’t hide our other side. Our partners simply decide not to see it.

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Published in: Family


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  1. It still saddens me that many don’t take their marriage vows seriously but in the end it’s really the children who suffer the most.

  2. Another thought provoking write. Indeed, man are not good in hiding things.

  3. Men must have a lot of stamina to be able to keep two women on the go and happy with it. How can they afford to do this apart from anything else? I really feel sorry for the families. A thought provoking article.


  4. This is an excellent article with good advice. Usually the signs are there. If you are very intuitive and most women are you can pick up the signs. A business trip doesn’t always mean that the person is cheating. Now if a married man doesn’t come home to his wife then there is something fishy going on. Secondly, Facebook and all these social networking sites are destroying relationships. A lot of women think that she is just a friend but that is how things sometimes start and people use the excuse of friendship to hide an affair. Third, when someone is having a double life it’s very clear because they start acting weird. They are only available at certain times and you won’t be able to reach them on the weekends. Pay attention to the signs because usually by the time a woman suspects infidelity these little things have been going on for a long time. marlene

  5. Yet once more my friend your post is the one to watch for I’m telling you: you will become the Agony aunt of Triond he he…. great share…. once more for the many about the few. cheers

  6. Good articleon an interesting topic. Once the jig is up there are no winners that is the sad part in all this.

  7. Hmm, very thought-provoking!

  8. some women could be so ignorance. anyway yr articles are good.tq for sharing.

  9. This is a great article! You have a great talent, as I would never of thought of writing an article like this if I read that letter. Good thinking! Keep up the great work!

  10. Some premarital counselling may bring some of these problems to light before the vows. Women also need to accept the advice of her friends and family who see the warning signs.

  11. Thans for that

  12. I thought it happened to you personally… hehehe… I got to read again your article from the top…

  13. another great article, it’s amazing to think that this does happen and probable more than we think!

  14. I am a victim of a double lifer and was living a lie for 4 years. Some men are good at what they do. This one was. Told me he was divorced but wasn’t. I was blind.

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