How to Communicate with Your Teens So They Can’t Blackmail You Later

Image by freeparking via Flickr
(This is not my family. It’s just an old picture that Triond had on hand. )

How often have you heard, “But you promised!” when you have no recollection of ever discussing whatever it is that you apparently promised your offspring? I have heard it plenty of times, so I decided to write an article about how to communicate with teens, and then, hopefully, I will take my own advice.

Be careful what you say “yes” to:

If you do say “yes” to whatever it is that your teen asks for, make sure you put it in writing. This is especially important for parents who, like me, suffer from short term memory loss. I have also had the peculiar experience of saying yes to something my clever offspring have asked while I was sleeping, and then having no recollection whatsoever of this alleged conversation when I wake up.

Make sure that you include any foreseeable conditions under which your “yes” could be rendered null and void. For example, if my sixteen year old wants to go to a party on Friday night, I automatically state the proviso that her chores need to be completed before she can go. She knows this, but it still has to be stated, so that she can’t get away with a technicality.

Written promises should also include any conditions over which you have no control. For example, if you said, “Yes, this weekend we will go to the beach if the weather is nice.” This condition needs to be more specific, as the term “nice weather” is much too open to opinion.

Reserve your “no” responses for requests that are worth the battle:

Once you have said “no” to a request from your teen, you need to stick to it. If there has ever been an occasion in which you said “no” first and then gave in to whining, I am very sorry to have to tell you that you have just created a monster. A very whiny monster at that. I am speaking from experience, fellow traveller.

 Choose your battles wisely! Parenting guru Barbara Coloroso advises parents to save your “no’s” to requests that are illegal, immoral, or life threatening.