How to Change a Diaper

Changing a diaper can be tricky and exhausting work. When you’re a mom of a newborn you learn how to change the diaper as quickly as possible to avoid an unneeded shower. Just when you’ve perfected the art of diaper changing while staying dry, the baby becomes mobile and creates a whole new set of challenges.

Here are my tips on how to change a toddler’s diaper:

First, pick a diaper changing station. By now you’ve most likely given up using the changing table, and have moved on to the easiest and most convenient changing station, which is most likely the sofa or the floor of wherever the baby is at that moment.

Grab the diaper to have it on hand.

Locate the child, most likely on the opposite side of the house. Bring the child to the changing station, ie. sofa.

Realize you’ve forgotten the wipes. Set the child down so it does not fall off the changing station, collect the wipes and return them to the changing station.

Relocate the child and return it to the changing station.

Realize the child stole the diaper and it is now located on the opposite side of the house. Set the child down and fetch the diaper, returning it to the changing station, ensuring both diaper and wipes are there.

Relocate the child on the opposite side of the house, return it to the changing station.

Remove the diaper and clean the mess.

Clean the hands of the child because the hands have touched the mess.

Clean the feet of the child because they too have touched the mess.

Clean the hands once more because they have touched the mess while you were cleaning the feet.

Locate a toy nearby to place in the child’s hand to keep them busy.

Finish cleaning the  child’s bottom. Then clean the feet, hands, and toy, and most likely the surface of the changing station.

Retrieve the toy the child dropped so the hands do not get in the way when you attempt to place the clean diaper on the child.

Locate the clean diaper, which has somehow managed to be directly behind you, or possibly you’ve sat on it.

Realize the child has begun trying to crawl away while you were searching for the diaper. Fetch the child, place it in diaper changing position, and return the toy once more.

Locate the diaper again which was dropped while retrieving the child… remembering to keep a hand on the child so it does not escape again.

Appear to be physically challenged while you try to place the diaper on the squirming child who’s only goal now is to roll over and crawl away.

Fix the diaper because it is lobsided due to the squirming.

Repeat the last step a few times until you decide it doesn’t matter how the diaper looks, nobody will see it anyways.

Replace the child’s clothing, if possible.

Fetch an aspirin for your headache, because if that wasn’t stressful enough, you were most likely hit in the head with the toy meant to keep the child’s hands busy.

Realize the child has successfully soiled their diaper again, and vow to purchase a potty training chair on your next trip to the grocery store while you repeat all of the above steps.