Having Another Child

For all the times that you’ve heard married couples say “We wanna have another child but need to get out of debt first”, don’t you wish you had some great insight to give them? In these days of economic distress for many families, there are numerous people forced to take second jobs for supplemental income, or work on the weekends doing what they love (hobbies that pay) just to make ends meet. What I really wanna tell them is that they are not alone. My family struggles too!  Truthfully, the best way to feel like you have more money  is to budget well based on what you make. In a marriage and family life budgeting is really what keeps us out of the poor house. I can’t ever remember a time that I didn’t worry about money even a little bit, so I can’t imagine what it is like for families who live on one income (no matter what it is) really living happily. It would seem impossible. However, it may be because they do not carry debt, where both I and my husband made this common mistake.

My husband and I have a 1-year-old daughter who is the light of our life. It really does cost a lot to raise a child. I guess I didn’t really believe that when my parents tried to explain it to me. So the question really is, if we are struggling even a little bit now, what happens when we are ready for another child? How drastically will we have to adjust our lives to make it suitable to afford another child? Honestly, saving money is far from reach with debt hanging over our heads. Recently, I’ve considered contacting a debt-consolidation agency at least to try to get rid of our major debts. One major part of the problem is that my husband’s ex-wife left him with several debts, the most large being a $9000 collection account for a car reposession. Trust me, its not fun having to deal with that. Unfortunately, in order to end the marriage on an easy note, he had no choice but to agree that she would not have to pay anything, otherwise the divorce case would have lasted too much longer.

With the floating idea that we want to start trying to conceive again soon, we are on the forefront of making some huge decisions. I am currently looking for a better paying hourly position while I try to build my insurance sales business, and my husband works full-time in retail management until he goes back in the Army. This waiting period since he was discharged 2 years ago has been a very rough time, only because he really didn’t want to get out but was forced to because of issues with his ex-wife and criminal charges that she tried to bring up on him. His 2-year deferrmant was recently up and he is now trying to pursue the Army once again. He will have to go through basic training again, but he doesn’t mind. Frankly, I am very much looking forward to him going back in because it will offer us the opportunity to save again. I know that ultimately its what’s best for our family. A guaranteed paycheck makes things so much easier. You just don’t get that in a civilian position. I myself was in the Army for three years as well and it was the only time in my life when I felt secure about my finances.

The first step in any major decision like having another child is to survey how much you’re currently spending on the one you already have. At this point, our expenses have slowed a little as we no longer need to buy formula or baby food, however, it will re-enter the budget once another baby arrives. Think about it logically, the amount that you have been spending on one will likely now have to be divided by two, with probably only a little extra being spent. I have to admit, at times with my daughter I probably bought more than she really needed, but it made for a large variety as well as lots of back-up in case of stains and such. I’m not sure that everyone thinks the same as I do, but in reality we’ll be in a really good place if we end up with another girl and can re-use much of what we currently have. On the other hand, if we have a boy, we’ll be spending like crazy again as he will need different stuff. The only advantage we have at this point is the amount of neutral things we have due to not finding out that we were having a girl the first time around.

When times have gotten tough lately my mother-in-law suggested selling all the big items we had as we would be able to make good use of that money, however I strongly disagreed because every piece we keep will be one less piece we have to buy later. We have no intention on getting rid of anything until we know we are done having children. Honestly, we haven’t been that down on our luck that we were grasping at any idea to make a quick buck anyways.

Nothing would make me happier at this point than to share with my family that we are trying to conceive another child, however it is definitely not a decision to make lightly. There are so many things to weigh out and adjustments to make. I think that we are heading down the right road to make a great future for ourselves and our family, just as I hope everyone else is. So many times I have looked at my sister who has been married for 13 years and has two wonderful boys. I look up to her and learn from her as I see how she manages their finances and family. It is truly remarkable to think that I’m really already doing the same thing, by always making sure that our daughter has what she needs before we even think about fun for ourselves. Sacrifice can be tough sometimes, but it makes you feel so good at the end of the day too. The question still remains whether it’s really fair to my husband and I to cut things out just to be able to pay the bills, and so many times we’ve had this discussion. Part of being a happy family is being able to take vacations and have nice Christmas holidays, etc. However, in tough times you just have to find ways to enjoy your family time without spending crazy amounts of money.

“You are only successful as you tell yourself you are.”