Handling Hurt and Anger

 The Filipino child is not taught to look out for himself or to care for his own concerns but is encouraged to consider every member of the family.  Parental advice runs on the constant theme that he cannot always have his way because ther4e are others who want their way too.

One of the most important things a child learns is that the temperaments of individuals of the usually mild-mannered person who is subject to infrequent but violent outbursts.  All of these distinctions are important for he must adjust his behavior to the different temperaments in the group in order to be successful in interpersonal relationships.

Frequency and Causes of Anger

The most frequent precipitance of anger in children is being crossed, not being given what they had asked for, having their possessions interfered with, and being teased.  Anger also arose when the child is not given the attention he sought, when he is bothered while at work or at play, when he is called to run and errand when he did not feel like it, or when he is punished and did not feel he deserves it.

Expressions of Anger

Anger and hurt are expressed in various forms ranging from silent withdrawal and crying, murmuring and pouting, refusal to eat or come home, loud sobbing, and hitting others.

Parents’ Reaction to Anger

Outburst of temper can be irritating and inconvenient in a household but they appear to be expected of children.  Although parents often punish these displays, we see instances where parents feel ambivalent; almost as if they remember their own childhood emotions.

Parents’ reactions to anger vary; however, more than a third of parents feel that it is best to ignore the child at the height of his anger.  Some mothers tried humoring the child or advising him after he had cooled off; while other parents handle the situation according to their own mood; they scold or even spank their children when they are particularly irritated.  Few mothers use spanking as a last resort when neither soothing nor ignoring helped and they made it a point to comfort their children afterwards.

Anger in itself is not considered bad.  What seems to be decried is the manner of expressing anger, or the harboring of it against ones’ parents, or against anyone for that matter.  To get angry is inevitable but to express it disrespectfully or to harbor it is strongly disapproved and punished.