Growing Good Children

The Art of Growing A Baby

Raising good children actually starts at birth. Many times I have heard various people say that if your baby is crying and there is nothing wrong let them cry. This is wrong!! Don’t let that baby cry it only teaches them that when they need you, you may not be there and lays the seed of insecurity, not to mention the possibility there could be something wrong. Your baby is crying for a reason so figure it out! It could be gas, teething (some babies teeth very early), they could be in some type of pain you are unaware of, or they may just be in need of your warmth and love. Don’t be afraid to ask other parents for help with any type of problem you and your baby are experiencing. Once, a couple approached me with the problem of their baby waking up as soon as they laid him in the crib. They described it as he was almost jolting awake as soon as he was placed in the crib. The problem was simple, they were laying a warm sleeping baby on a cold sheet, and all they had to do was keep a warm blanket between the cold sheet and the baby. They only had to ask an experienced mother and their problem was solved in one conversation. Try really had not to show frustration or anger when caring for you baby. Those remarkable little creatures can sense those emotions and calming them down will be a lot more difficult. Always approach your baby with gentleness and love, even when you are angry or frazzled.

The Terrible Tots!

Not sure why they call it the terrible two’s, it really can start at about a year and a half or so and always last longer than two years of age. This is a critical stage in raising good children and can often have you completely flustered and annoyed. Toddlers can be very strong willed and see only what they want, reasoning with a toddler can be the same as reasoning with a rock, but louder, remember, you are the boss! It is up to you to teach them that they cannot always get everything they want. It is up to you to teach them how to love, share and be compassionate. Here are some tips on dealing with the terrible two’s:

• Keep items you don’t want them to play with out of reach and sight. Toddlers love to play with things like keys, cell phones etc., but these are items you don’t want lost or broken so always keep them up high and out of sight whenever possible. Plus those items are also full of germs so you shouldn’t let them play with them to begin with.
• Let your toddler make simple decisions for themselves. Ask them if they want juice or milk with their lunch, do they want the green cup or the blue cup? This will help your child to feel important and start building self esteem, plus it will avoid the possibility of a tantrum starting because they wanted apple juice and you gave them milk.
• If you should happen to be blessed with a demanding child who throws tantrums you have to teach them that the tantrums are not a good way to get what they want and will not work. You have to teach them that there are consequences to their actions and you have to be consistent with your punishment. Time out is a good way to achieve this, at first you will probably have to hold or restrain your child because they will not like it at all. You must be stronger than the child and I don’t mean just physically, that means you will have to hold the child until they calm down and you will have to use this approach every time they throw a tantrum. Try gently rocking them and talking to them in a calm voice or even singing, once the child calms down then you can talk or reason with them. Another possibility is that they were tired, the time out will put them to sleep and you get a fresh start when they wake up.
• If your child or children is fighting over a toy, try and get them to share it. If that doesn’t work simply take the toy away until they can learn to share. Once they learn that if they are going to fight over it, no one will get it, they will be more likely to take turns.
• Reward you child for good behavior. Rewards can come in all shapes and sizes; they can be good words and happiness, expressions of love such as hugs and kisses, a toy that they really wanted or liked, or a day at the park. There are a lot of different ways to express your joy at their good behavior, just pick one.
• Don’t let them have everything they want, you will definitely pay for it later on. Teach them from the very beginning that you are the parent and they are the child. It is really up to you to decide what they can and cannot do.
• Try distracting them as soon as you see a situation beginning. Toddlers have really short attention spans so use it to your advantage. An easy way to successfully distract them is to simply scoop them up into your arms and start playing, bouncing, singing or tickling them, by the time you are done they will have forgotten all about whatever it is they were going to do and you can lead them into a more positive situation by suggesting they play or do something they like.

The Fun Years!

The time after you survive the terrible two’s and before your children reach their teenage years is really great. This is the time you get to help your child develop into a young adult and teach them values that will guide them through life. Help them to explore all aspects of life, encourage them to try new things and to find the things that they are good at. Share their interest and ideas and always encourage them to do a good job at whatever it is they are doing. It is also a time when their young brains are developing and they may question everything, take the time to explain to them why you are telling them no, and reason with them as much as possible, but remember, you are the parent and stick to your decision. However, if you acted in haste without knowing all the facts, or maybe you were angry and just blurted out “no” before you really thought about it and want to change your mind it’s o.k. to do so, your child may end up respecting you more for this. This is also an important time to teach your child the value of money. Don’t just go out and buy them everything they want; make them earn it. They will appreciate it so much more with the satisfaction of knowing they had to work for it. Keep presents for holidays and special occasions that way those gifts will be much more appreciated. This is also a good time to instill the act of responsibility in your child. Give them some simple chores they can do and make your child do them, have them help with a younger sibling or a neighbor child. There are lots of ways to teach your child responsibility and it is important for them to learn it. This is also a good time to create positive communication skills with your child by spending time with them, let them help with simple projects and just have fun together.

Oh No! Teenagers!

If you have followed all the steps or techniques from baby to teen, tried your best to do everything right then these years will not be as difficult as some people will lead you to believe. Teenagers are not all bad although most will have their moments. There are quite a lot of reasons why some teenagers are hard to deal with, things like not paying them enough attention when they were younger or even now, always giving them what they want so they expect everything to be given to them, trying to map out the course of their life for them, not listening to them: all these things can cause your teen to rebel against you. Allow your teen to express themselves anyway they want as long as it doesn’t cause anyone harm. Does it really matter if their hair is green or if they want to dress in all black clothes, as long as they are a good person it shouldn’t matter, and after a while they will get bored of it. Just because you went to Yale and majored in law doesn’t mean your child will want to, encourage them to do something they love and they will be more likely to follow through and be successful. Find the things they like to do and find ways to encourage them to do it, if your child loves to draw then encourage them to develop their skill and try different techniques, this can lead into computer graphics or they could be the next Picasso, you just never know. Communication is extremely important; talk to your teen about everything even stuff that doesn’t seem important…is. Spending time with your teen is also vital to the success of your relationship with your child and will often lead into positive communication. When you catch your kid doing something right praise them for it, they will be more likely to keep doing it. Try not to be criticizing them all the time and remember that they are young and sometimes they will make bad decisions and choices, talk about them, make them understand why it was wrong, have them pay the consequences and move on. Make sure your teen knows that you love them and respect them for the person they are, they may be very different from you or your spouse but that is not always a bad thing.

Follow these guidelines from baby to adult and you should have almost no problem raising a good, hard working, respectful citizen of your community. Of course kids will be kids and some problems can not be avoided, but how you deal with them will make a big difference in how they handle life as a grown up. By the time they graduate you will have a best friend for life.