Grandparents’ Rules
I have a poster on my wall entitled, Murphy’s Grandparents’ Law. It’s both funny – and sickly. The grandparents depicted in it are just too good to be true.
They remind me of the chapter headings of a certain book called The 12 Rules of Grandparenting: A New Look at Traditional Roles and How To Break Them.
This grandparenting book was written by Susan M Kettman, and was published back in 1999 by Checkmark Books. Kettman’s twelve rules are all upbeat and happy-happy. These grandparents have nothing else to do all day except be bright, sparkly and joyful. Here’s the list, with my comments in parentheses:
- Grandparents Should Be Cheerful (Except when their backs are aching, their feet are sore, and they’ve run out of patience).
- Grandchildren Should Always Listen to Their Grandparents (Actually this one is good, but the book is written for grandparents, not grandchildren, and most of them don’t bother to read books like this anyway).
- Grandparents Should Love To Baby-Sit (Yeah, right, as they say in the Tui ads here in New Zealand).
- Grandparents Should Know about Life (Well, it’s not just a matter of ‘should’ – they do know about life, and you’d better believe it, kid!)
- Grandparents Should Love To Spoil (Bollocks! Am I allowed to use that word on this site?)
- Grandparents Should Be Full of Fun Ideas (Except, as I said above, when their backs are aching, their feet are sore, and they’ve run out of patience).
- Grandparents Should Love All of Their Grandchildren the Same (This would be okay, if all of their grandchildren were identical in every respect. However some of the grandchildren can be just plain awful some days – and then the lovely ones have a turn and become awful as well.)
- “Grandparents Should Love To Help Out” (Yeah right – see above)
- “Grandparents Should Hate To Discipline” (Not likely. Grandparents are super-deluxe discipliners!)
- “Grandparents Should Know How To Care for Sick Kids” (They do. So why do we need a chapter on it?)
- “Bragging Should Be Done in Moderation” (Not when there’s another grandparent with different grandchildren bragging about them. At that point you’re entitled to brag as much as possible – didn’t we learn that in the schoolyard?
- “Being a Grandparent Is Always Fun.” (For whom?)
In our house, if the grandchildren (and their parents) get too rowdy, stay too long, eat us out of house and home, we send them back to their place – and then have a snooze on the couch. We have no qualms about telling them when they’ve outstayed their welcome.
In fact, we’ve got our own set of rules. Here they are:
- Grandparents should be able to pass the buck.
- Grandparents should have no restrictions on visitation rights.
- Grandparents should be allowed to hype up their grandchildren and then go home.
- Other grandparents cannot call their grandchild ‘my grandchild’ while we’re present.
- All grandparents should have to toss the coin to see who picks up the baby first.
- Grandparents should not outdo each other in giving, but may actually do so in reality!
- Grandparents do not have to change poo-ey nappies.
- Grandparents can get grandchildren as dirty as they please and then send them home.
- Grandparents can give their grandchildren lollies, drinks and chips when and if they please.
- Grandparents may not be scolded by their own children!
I think these leave enough room for the grandparents to be good to their offsprings’ offspring, while still maintaining sanity for all concerned.
And anyway, when you’re at an age where you’re a grandparent, you can start making your own rules!
Both photos property of the author.
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Published in: Family
Comments: 23 | Post a CommentPost a Comment
mystery writter | Sep 23, 2009 | Reply
Loved it !Loved it!The whole article was great but the last set of grandparenting rules was fantastic.The grankids momis always trying to tell me what to do but I dont listen…..would push a love it button but you dont have one.I just came onboard tonight and this was the first one I read…..loved it!
Uma Shankari | Sep 23, 2009 | Reply
Hilarious. An enjoyable read. I am a grandmother and I should know.
Lily River | Sep 23, 2009 | Reply
My mom can’t wait to be a grandmother and I should have her read this article. It is funny and entertaining.
athena goodlight | Sep 23, 2009 | Reply
Such an enjoyable read! I’m beginning to contemplate on what kind of a grandparent I’ll become.
pattiann | Sep 23, 2009 | Reply
I will think about using your rule on my grandson.
This article was informative and wise.
I may even buy this book myself to read more!
Overall, it is a great article!!!
Mr Wonkynobby | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
This is very nice article you should keep up the good work!
Payge | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
As a grandmother of 2 girls under 6,I love this article…..grandparents ought to love this one.
My daughter tries to control what I do with the girls and I do the opposite..include buy the sugary things and send them home.
Great article from a very proud grandmother,loved it.
fishfry aka Elizabeth Figueroa | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
An enjoyable article, I am not a grandmother yet, but with my friends getting married their second time, and I am the proud (titi) Great Aunt to the all. And I kinda practice these grandma rules.
kamlesh786 | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
nice one
Momof4 | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
Since I’m a grandmother of 3 girls, I can say I love these rules. You are right, we should be able to spoil them if we want to and not have our kids telling us that we can’t. Thanks for sharing this article. I enjoyed reading it and I loved it!
Naomi
Snooky | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
absolutely wounderful. Grand ma & Grand Pa are two of the most important words in the dictionary.
Grandparents are actually a childs only refuge and defence
against their parents.
Mike Crowl | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for all your comments, people. Glad this article has hit the spot!
jacksangel | Sep 24, 2009 | Reply
absolutly loved it!!!
Nobody | Sep 25, 2009 | Reply
Man you guys are arrogant just because you’ve managed to not die for long enough for your kids to have kids.
Nikita K | Sep 26, 2009 | Reply
HAHAHA, absolutely hilarious and I loved it LOADS! I agree with the love the grandchildren the same bit because I find my grandad loves my cousin more than I!!! Poor little nan and gramps, you got to love them though…they have a tough life and this article just makes it funnier!
Mike Crowl | Sep 27, 2009 | Reply
Glad you enjoyed it, Atkin. Good to have a bit of fun on this site…
3wildboys | Jun 19, 2010 | Reply
if my parents or inlaws gave my kids lollies, pop, chips etc after I told them that the kids can’t have any then I would lose all respect I had for them because obviously they don’t respect ME as an adult and parent. People who don’t respect me don’t get to be around my kids. end of story
Mike Crowl | Jun 19, 2010 | Reply
Hi, Jwildboys….think you might have taken all this a bit too seriously. Apart from that, Parents never think of their children as adults, no matter how old they are. To them, they’re always the kids, so respect really doesn’t come into it.
It’s okay! I’m kidding….(I think!)
Mike Crowl | Jun 19, 2010 | Reply
And one other thing, Jwildboys, if you’re really serious about what you say, about not getting to be around your kids. You could well be cutting off the huge values that grandparents bring to grandchildren. Yup, the grandparents might not always do what you want, but just remember, you wouldn’t be the the adult and parent if your own parents hadn’t given you life. They deserve some credit for getting something right!
Aphera | Jun 19, 2010 | Reply
Well, Mike, your forget. Being a grandparent is a privilage not a right. I decide who I want around my children. If a grandparent can’t respect Mommy and Daddy why should they see the kids? I mean, that’ll just teach the kids that they don’t have to listent to Mommy and Daddy becuase Grandma and Grandpa don’t. It’s setting a bad precedent. Not only that, there are toxic grandparents out there.
Now I agree with letting the grandparents spoil a little but totally going against what the parent says is not good. Kids don’t need grandparents to survive.
3wildboys | Jun 20, 2010 | Reply
if my parents teach my children that as long as I don’t know about rule breaking (say I tell the gps in front of the kids that there will be no icecream and the gps go out anyway) then it’s ok. and that is NOT ok. kids lie by nature but I don’t need my own parents sneaking around me to become ‘favorite’.
ODS absolutely loves my dad, grandpa is the most fun person to be around when DH and myself aren’t there. and it’s not because they break rules and do things that we don’t want them to do, it’s because my dad knows how to have fun within the boundaries I haves set for the well being of my child
Mike Crowl | Jun 21, 2010 | Reply
Crikey, Aphera, are you serious that grandparenting is a ‘privilege not a right?’ and that you ‘decide who you want around your children.’? That seems remarkably shortsighted. Grandparents don’t last forever; make the most of them while they’re there. The children need their grandparents in their lives just as they need their parents. Grandparents bring an extra dimension to children’s lives that parents don’t yet have.
Seems to me that both you and 3wildboys have missed the point of the article – it was intended to be humorous. It was a joke. Somehow you’ve both got so caught up in the deadly seriousness of rearing your children that you’ve missed that altogether.
Relax a little!
Tess | Apr 10, 2012 | Reply
It might have been a joke, but it wasn’t funny. If my LO’s grandparents followed your rules, I would seriously have to consider the amount of time spent with the grandparents. It is a respect issue and I would be horrified of my parent or in law said we didn’t deserve respect because we were their children. Grand parenting IS a privilege, not a right, and as a parent you should understand that to undermine your children’s wishes just because you’re a “grandparent” is horribly inconsiderate.