Many adults blame their parents for mistakes those parents made when the child was growing up. Unable to forgive these children live with destructive anger that affects their entire lives. Learning to forgive helps adult children get on with their lives.
Oscar Wilde once said that “Children begin by loving their parents, then they judge them and rarely if ever do they forgive them.” Many parents in today’s society know just how true those words spoken so long ago are today. With the world becoming more and more complicated each year parents often find themselves facing situations where they are forced in making decisions that are not to their liking but, are the lesser of two evils. Children too young to understand or comprehend the situation that lead to these decisions often find themselves angry with their parents for what they consider to be the “Wrong choice.”
Many times this anger stays with a child and follows them into adulthood. They cannot seem to get past their anger to their parent nor can they forgive their parent for what they consider to be serious mistakes. While this can completely damage the parent child relationship as the child seeks subconsciously to punish the parent, it is far more damaging to the adult child themselves, as this anger will eat away at them affecting their adult relationships and their entire lives if they don’t learn to understand or at least forgive the mistakes of their parents.
Children perceive situations differently than do adults
It is wise to keep in mind that children will perceive any given situation differently than an adult does. Not only are their outlooks different to begin with but parents sometimes, out of desire to protect their children do not always tell them exactly what is taking place in certain situations. Therefore, the child does not have all the facts that the parent had to take in consideration when making a decision.
Most children when they grow up are able to look at these situations from an adult viewpoint and can then gain insight into that past situation. Other children, while maturing in other ways, never seem to be able to get past that childhood hurt and look at a situation from and adult point of view. A 23 year old who is still seeing things from the perspective of a 13 or 14 year old will never get past the hurt that they felt they suffered as a child.
Parents Do Make Mistakes
Added to this problem is the fact that parents do make mistakes. Even with the best of intentions a parent can make a decision that ends up hurting their child no matter how much they love them or how hard they try to make all the right decisions. A child often sees a parent as invincible so when they do make a mistake, the child feels betrayed and hurt. As children grow older most learn to accept that their parents are human and learn to forgive them for the errors they made. At least most children do. Some never come to accept that a parent can make a mistake despite the best of intentions and instead carry their hurt into adulthood.
Published in: Family