Five Steps to a Healthy Child
Are you a frantic parent suffering the modern burden of a child? Yes I know and I sympathise with you. So I have compiled five well thought out steps to keep your child healthy, mentally and physically and most of all, keep them in line.
So here we have it. Boot camp time for parental misfits. Get ready as some of this may be too hard to handle.
Step 1
Your child is like a machine they do not have emotions. As they proceed into the latter years they will wear make up (even some of the boys) and frown upon society as an outcry to conform to what the young whipper schnappers call “emos”. We as parents must understand this outcry and reach out to them. Lock them in their room and do not feed them for at least a night. Depending on the amount of make up worn and the gender or the wearer, possibly taking away the room as well may be an option. Make sure your child doesn’t have a front door key.
Step 2
Children like to accessorise whether they be young, teen, boy or girl. So what should we do with these fashion divas again conforming to the idealistic image of the popular kids. My policy is god gave you all the holes you need. If they whine do a home piercing with a nail and a piece of ice. Kids won’t come back for seconds will they?
Step 3
Kid not doing their homework? Even worse, kid not telling you they have homework? Well now is the time to find out. Waterboarding may have been ruled inhumane and banned from use but what the government doesn’t know won’t hurt them will it? They didn’t invent torture for it to go to waste on something as silly as terrorism, use it for something more important.
Step 4
Kids will always want the latest and greatest appliances, video games, barbies and tonka trucks. Heck even i want the latest tonka truck that series is boss. They will rebel if you don’t get it for them so to save having to give them the “don’t be a brat, life isn’t fair, I’m on welfare how much do you want from me” talk buy the first thing the ask for and break it with a hammer in front of them. Not only will this crush their toy but it will crush their hopes and dreams and inevitably lead to them becoming a lawyer. No soul.
Step 5
The most effective way of keeping your child in line is very simple. All the hardest problems of being a parent are solved by one sure fire method. Beat them. Make sure you don’t look into there eyes as you may become emotionally attached. A sack of oranges is good for this because it won’t leave marks. I advise to stay away from belts and bars of soap in socks. But any pyhsical abuse is good physical abuse in the end.
But Honestly!
Don’t abuse your kids or do anything I’ve advised, I’m pretty sure all the above is illegal and what would I know I’m still young. have fun being a parent! Don’t beat your kids 
More of the best at povofsam.blogspot.com
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Published in: Family
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