Ethical Education: Actively Listen, Avoid Advice

Bullying:

• If a child is a bully, hitting him or her does not solve the problem. Instead it worsens the scenario, as they learn to trouble the younger and weaker lot from parents.
• They are smaller and weaker than parents and are abused and they get the message loud and clear that it is okay to abuse the smaller and weaker kids, pets and toys.

Losing Things:

• While the child comes in contact with the community, it is natural that it may lose things, either because of its carelessness or because of genuine thieves or jealous people are around it.
• In the former case of carelessness, it is the fault of the unorganized parents, who did not invest enough time and effort to make the kid learn about being well organized.
• In the latter case, again it is the parents’ duty to ensure to teach the child to be careful about taking care of their things.

Lying:

• Children do not lie from their birth, as it is not in their nature or capacity. They are taught to do so, either by parents or uncles and aunts. If the parent gets an unwanted call and gives it to the child to answer forcing them to say that their mom or dad is not there, while they are standing right besides the child!
• There could also be a genuine reason for a child to lie. Perhaps it is to safeguard another child’s, pet’s or adult’s safety. After the heat of the moment passes off, sit down and lend a genuine listening ear to the child and know why he or she has lied. Appreciate their empathetic concern and let them know that it is not good to lie otherwise.

Mating Mate!

• While parents want their children to learn everything good, they must also realize that after certain age, the adolescents need to know about the physical and hormonal changes within them and in the other gender. Never punish a child if it says the name of body parts, as it would kindle curiosity further, but in the wrong direction, this time around.
• Take the right moment to discuss about their views and clarify their doubts on condoms and sanitary napkins in the most diplomatic and realistic way. The explanation should be like a gynecologist advising their patients. Sex education should be done in a common sense route. It is better that kids learn from the parents rather than being misguided by porn materials leading them to antisocial elements. The open box would not interest even a monkey, as they are aware of the contents. Only a closed box can feed the curiosity in monkeys, kittens and human children too!
• It is not unusual to kids asking doubts when they watch mating of animals in Discovery or National Geographic channels. Instead of using changing the topic, a simple answer of “they are trying to make eggs”, “they want to make babies” or “they want to become mamma and pappa” is more than enough for the child. Do not overdo by explaining what genders are, why and how copulation happens, etc.

Freedom:

• It is known that kids with more freedom of speech at home and friendly parents who would lend a listening ear are known to be much more successful than those who are not fortunate enough to have these facilities.
• Most of the times, especially in teenagers and pre-teens (10 to 12), they want their parents to listen to their issues and not become firefighters or problem-solvers or advice delivering machines, such as the mechanized voice on the phone banking or call center.
• How many times a child has come and told the problem and towards the end of elucidating it, has come up with solutions itself without the parent even uttering a word apart from comforting sounds that reemphasize their active listening like “umm”, “hmm”, “Oh!”, “okay”, etc.

Just as great Mahatma Gandhi, Father of Indian nation once rightly said “Be the change you want to see”. If parents cannot be the change, they would absolutely fail in changing their kids.

It is essential for parents to teach themselves about ethical education and be role models, before they transfer this to their children. Happy Parenting!