Eight Easy Ways to Handle Sibling Rivalry

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Sibling rivalry is common in every household, everywhere around the globe. Yet, as a parent you find the need to do something when the peace of the household is disrupted by endless arguments, skirmishes, yelling and slamming doors.

Children wait with unending complaints about each other when you return home, tired and in dire need of rest and tranquillity. How to convince the older one? How to tackle the younger one?

Even before the birth of the second child, you should imprint in your older one’s mind, positive feelings for his brother or sister.

1.       Make your first child understand that a friend is going to arrive:

Tell your older son or daughter that someone who is going to be his/her close friend is going to come into the family. Stress on how his relationship is going to be with the child, than what your relationship is going to be. If you are asked what you will be to the child you can tell him the relationship. But make his bond seem colourful by explaining how he could play, teach the little one and be his hero and – the rest depends on your creativity.

2.       Create a sense of possessiveness in the older one for the younger child, when the child is very young:

Tell the older child that the small baby is his brother and he is solely his protector. When the little one starts bestowing smile on the bigger one, which babies naturally do, the big brother knows that he is his friend. There are several dangers lurking in the world and he has to protect his sibling. Give the older one small responsibility like reporting a need to change diaper. It will be a wonder to watch how the child likes to take the responsibility of taking care of the younger child. But see to it that the baby is not harmed inadvertently by the older child.

3.       The lessons in sharing:

The younger one imitates the elder brother and learns. Of course his best friend is his brother, smaller than the others, lively and doing more attractive things than the elders. As they grow older, they start fighting, which is very natural. The younger one demands the elder’s possessions. The big brother gets angry at his impudence. If you can, get them similar gifts or toys. If not, do not buy things that will raise a fight. If it is absolutely necessary to buy for the benefit of the older child, for his educational purposes etc., you will have to do a bit of convincing – that he will get his things in time when he grew older. You can teach them sharing, and this is the best phase in life to learn that.

4.       Do not show your support to one or the other in fights :

Competition, fight and complaining grow as the children individual character in them develops. You will notice that however much they fight with each other, they become possessive when a third person tries to harm one of them. Yet at times argue and fight so much that you require shouting at them to stop. They bring lots of complaints about each other. It may seem one of them has more right, but you need not take sides. You just tell them, whatever be the cause, fighting is uncivilized.

5.       The severe punishment:

You can punish them both by way of giving a solution when the quarrel goes beyond control. Ask them not to talk or even look at each other for a few hours. They will find this the most excruciating punishment ever. They will come around and want to make up. Then advise them to resolve their differences on their own quietly.

6.       Each child is unique and special to you. Never let one child think highly of himself and slight the other:

Children should grow confident and successful. But not all are the same. Each child has a different talent. It is the parent’s duty to help the child in developing his speciality. One child may be appreciated by the people around for his capabilities. That should not go to his head and make him think that he is superior to his sibling. Parents should never talk highly of one child in front of the other. If you give praise, let it be for both. Otherwise you will make one of your children an emotional cripple.

7.       If one of the children is sickly or weak, do not show a higher level of concern and affection:

One of my friends has a visually impaired child and a normal one. The normal child wanted to become blind and consulted his friends on ways of acquiring blindness. The friend came to know of it and realised her folly. She had been showing excessive concern for her blind child, to the extent of caring less for her normal child. You will be extremely concerned for a sick child, naturally, but do not show it by excessive pampering. The sickly child should not be allowed to take advantage of his health condition. He will take it as an excuse for everything. He should be treated as an equal to his brother or sister. But the other child should be made to understand his limitations.

8.       Give work which they could finish as a team:

During vacation give the children some work and ask them to do it as a team. Give them equal responsibility and announce a reward if they do it well, for example packing for a tour. Tell them unless they do it with full cooperation, no rewards.

The above tips will help parents in tackling sibling rivalry.

“Sibling rivalry is not to be ever eliminated nor should it be. Children should have differences and be assertive enough to express and argue these differences. Sibling fights are natural and a healthy indication that none is submissive”, says Dr. Sylvia Rimm, psychologist, contributing correspondent to NBC’s Today Show and clinical Professor at Case Western Reserve school of Medicine.