Do You Wish You Had a Dad?

Do you live by yourself with no dad to help you or love you? Are you unloved by a fatherly figure? Well here are some easy steps to getting yourself a dad! (NOTE: Not to be taken seriously, unless you need a dad)

1. SELECT A PERSON WORTHY OF BEING YOUR DAD: A dad needs to be the cool guy of the family, whether just to you or everyone in the FREAKIN’ UNIVERSE, he has to be awesome. He can be the former jock, the rock n’ roll star, the mafia leader, you name it, if it’s cool, he can be a dad!

2. GIVE HIM A TEST RUN: If this awesomely son of a fuck is gunna be your dad, then you gotta make sure he’s the right one. Spend a day or week with him. Play catch. Watch football. Buy some hookers, get drunk, and get high if you wanna. Also, make sure the family likes him to some degree or scares the shit outta them so much they won’t try to kick him out. 

3. MAKE HIM YOUR LEGAL DAD: If you’re an orphan or some shit, MAKE THE FUCKA BUY YO ASS SO YOU GET A DAD!!! But if you’re lucky to have a mom already, make the bitch marry him. How though? Ever watch the Hangover? That’s how.

4. CONGRATS, YOU HAVE A DAD: Now spend all you’re time with him and have some hardcore father-son bonding shit!!!!