Cliche: A Baby Changes Everything

The age old, corny, and cliche saying “a baby changes everything”  rings very true for many parents.  Personally I didn’t always know how true it was.  Until I gave birth to my daughter, Aubrey, in July of 2007.

Of course there were the predictable alterations to my life. Lack of sleep for the last two years being the number one.  Funny, that brings to mind another part of my life that has changed. This time three years ago I was going to parties, staying up all night by choice, and had no cares in the world.   These days, though, parties no longer entice me, maybe going out with my fiance and friends to a good calm bar for a few drinks. IF we can find a babysitter.  But partying and such just sound no fun.  Patrick, my fiance and I barely have time alone, so if by a chance we have quiet time, or a babysitter we are going to be spending it alone, if you know what I mean.  And for that same reason, we have lost 90% of our friends from our past, childless lives. It is no surprise how people without children just do not understand. 

You know this was one of the things that surprised me. Friendships either end, or change so much that it is hardly a friendship at all anymore.   It’s hard to explain why going out on a whim becomes very difficult, if not impossible to do when you have kids.   Another thing is money,  how do you explain to childless friends that you cannot go out to that hot new club because you have to have money for rent, groceries, and diapers?  One day though, they’ll understand.  In the meantime it has left a gap in the friendship that may or may not ever be filled back up. 

Something very entertaining about parenthood, is the fact that the statement “too much informaiton’  seems to no longer exist.  When you have been pooped on, spit up on, and peed on all in one day, there is just nothing left that could gross you out.  Things that to some, are disturbing now just fly out of your mouth before you realize what you are saying.  At this point its too late.  You are going to get one of two reactions.  From non-parent individuals you are going to get a funny look and maybe a smile while they slowly back away.  From the fellow parents you are going to get a similar story about how “Johnny” just did all three of those things this morning in the bath tub. 

But conversation don’t always follow that pattern of poop and spit up. I could talk forever and ever about how Aubrey is growing so fast and what words she is saying.  You can’t stop talking about them and thinking of them. They’re your first thought in the morning, and the last as you fall asleep. It is a life long change.

The feeling of love, that changes so much. When you are a kid, most often, you cannot even begin to imagine ever loving someone more than you love your parents. As a teenager, your world revolves around that boyfriend or girlfriend.  You think to yourself, ” This is it.  I will never be as happy with someone as happy as I am with (insert name here LOL).  Then later in life you have a baby. A little baby who takes your breath away with one little smile.  You can’t even start remember the life you had without them.  It is this  love that helps you get through the day.  

There were times where stress just meant that I had an important quiz at school the next day.  Stress has taken on a completely different meaning. Real stress is wondering if we’re going to make rent at the beginning of the month.  Or how to get a new car when the old one dies.  Stress is fearing sicknesses, and what they can do to your child.   You worry about the future of the economy, and what kind of a world your children are going to grow up in. A world where so many things change and go wrong. Once you become a parent, you truly know what real worry is.

I know there are people out there who have it much much worse than my family.  But i get angry when I hear someone complain about having to make a payment on their new beamer.  Try having no insurance through a difficult pregnancy, losing your job, then having demolished your credit.  Some would say I have no right to complain because I decided to have a child.  In reality though, it happened and we were happy about it.  Not everyone has an easy life.  I just happen to be one of the many that live paycheck to paycheck.  My daughters father works very hard to support our family and working third shift is never easy.  Especially for someone who cannot function with less that 8 hours of sleep.  He works nights, sleeps days and gets very little time to himself.  To put it simple I don’t get lunch breaks, weekends, and vacations from being a mom. Some parents have this luxury.  Others like me, are full timers. 

These changes are nothing compared to the changes within myself that I have gone through.   Somewhere in the three years or so I grew up. I didn’t realize exactly when it happened.  I just know that it did. Maybe it was when I saw the positive sign on a little white stick.  I was a little shocked that at 18 and having just applied for college, I was now going to be a mother.   It took about an hour for shock to give way to pure happiness.  

I’m 22 now. Twenty two and a mother of one 26 month old beautiful yet naughty little blond curly haired angel. I am no  longer a child, but at the same time I still don’t feel like I am grown up yet.  I’m still scared of the life ahead.   I still like to indulge in playing video games and Texas hold em poker, even if I don’t get to that often.   Even as a parent, it’s not always easy to enjoy being “grown up”.   I feel that’s the biggest change of all.

You enter “the real world”.   You feel like an adult.  As soon as that baby comes, you quickly realize you aren’t as grown up as you think. You suddenly do not know what to do with most situations and decisions that arise.  You still get scared.  And most of the time you still need someone to let you know when you are doing a good job.   

This adventure has just begun. Despite what I have learned these last three years, and all the changes that have happened to my life, I have so much more ahead of me.   As long as I see my daughter’s beautiful smile each  and every day I will make it through this twisty, turning maze of life.