Challenges in Raising Children as a Divorced Father, Part Two
I try to address some of the challenges I have faced in trying to raise my children while going through the divorce process.
This article is a follow-up to an article I wrote in October of 2009, which can be found here:
Two more years have gone by, and things with mom have not gotten any easier. In fact, they have gotten more difficult. My son is now 8, my daughter 6.
Mom remains the number one challenge I face as a divorced father. Below are some of the issues:
Activities—Most Moms want their kids to be healthy, emotionally and physically, and extracurricular activities are a great way to facilitate that. In my case, over the last few years I have enrolled the kids in summer Soccer programs, 4H, sunday school at church, and most recently baseball. Mom has resisted any involvement in any of these programs, because they were things I chose. For 4H, they each got to put a few items they made on the county fair, and Mom did not go to see their items. For baseball, mom pretend to agree with signing them up, and is now saying it disrupts their schedule too much (it runs 2 nights per week from 5 to 6:30 for 8 weeks). She skipped her son’s first communion this year, much to his disappointment, and never watched them play soccer. For her part, she at one point talked to the kids about enrolling them in Tai Kwon Do, but never enrolled them.
Inflexibility—Anytime I could use a little help, mom’s favorite word is no. The funny thing is, when she needs help, I’ll help if I can, but if I can’t I get hit with a massive verbal tirade. I went through a stint where I was unemployed, and mom made me keep the kids in daycare and pay half the cost, instead of letting me watch the kids so I could conserve funds. Switching weekends is absolutely out, that was made completely clear to me from the start, and yet once it was convenient for mom to want to switch weekends, she was surprised to hear me say no, as if she realy believed she could always say no to me but I would still say yes to her when it suited her needs.
Overall, everything I’ve read and been told is that kids turn out the best when both parents are involved in a meaningful way in their kids lives. Mom’s goal in this situation seems to be to do everything she can to drive me away from the kids. He goal is to try to make me so miserable that I just give up, quit, walk away from my children. And because I know that’s her goal, I have to stay involved no matter what she throws at me.
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Published in: Family
Comments: 5 | Post a CommentPost a Comment
Socorro Lawas | Sep 7, 2011 | Reply
You’re the father of the kids, so “thy will be done.”
Jason Starks | Sep 7, 2011 | Reply
I’m not really looking for “thy will be done” but some cooperation from mom would be nice, instead of her being a constant deliberate barrier.
Mary Patricia Bird | Sep 10, 2011 | Reply
Activities are great but not too many. My kids do 2 things each max. They’ve tried different things over the years but not all at the same time.
Jason Starks | Sep 10, 2011 | Reply
Two each sounds like a good number, finding the right balance is always tricky. Three at a time can work if some of them are extremely active (ie.. 4H meets once a month, Sunday school is every sunday), in comparison to activities like Baseball, which has 2-3 games & practices per week for 8 weeks..
Jimmy Arellano | Dec 11, 2011 | Reply
I gotta say i was looking to read on more, but there were only 2 articles. I am also a divorced father of 3 girls and my ex is the constant number one barrier. If she had it her way, i would only see the kids once a week or whenever she needs a babysitter to do her own things. That\\\’s when i\\\’m given the \\\”These are your kids too..\\\” lecture –if i cant watch them that day— as if I\\\’m the one that is trying to stay away from them when it is her that tries constantly to keep them away.
I too, feel like i\\\’m fighting every single day bouncing back what she throws at me in her attempts to make me give up or quit and walk away from my kids.
They fail to understand that these are our kids too. We will NOT give up on them. period. Our kids need us. If you post more, let me know. I was interested in reading more or similar posts.