Can There Be a Happily Ever After?

But what happened to lifetime commitment, till death do us part, the romantic notion of happily ever after?

There are many factors why previous generations were tightly bound by their marriage vows, until the late 20^th century, male and female roles where clearly defined by society.

In the19^th century, women and any financial assets they brought to a marriage became the property of their spouses. Marriage, in higher society, was a business contract, usually arranged by parents and seen as a duty. Love and romance where not part of the equation; the couple liking and respecting each other was a bonus. Divorce was rare and stigmatised. With life expectancy rates lower than today, even life-long marriages were short by today’s standards. Nowadays, couples could realistically expect to celebrate their 50^th anniversary.

At the turn of the 20^th century, the women’s movement did herald changes in the individual rights of females across the country, but it was a slow process. Male and female roles were still clearly defined, men as the head of the household and the provider and women as the homemaker and mother. Married women were expected to stay at home and continued to remain financially reliant on their partners. Many women and some men remained in a loveless and sometimes abusive marriage because they felt they had no option. Even in abusive relationships, separation and divorce wasn’t common and still carried a degree of stigma into the 70s.

Nowadays with changing roles, financial independence, more equality in the workplace and with the advent of quickie divorces; people are empowered with more choices. Families come in all shapes and sizes; one parent families are less stigmatised, males are taking on more traditional female roles about the home. The dynamics of married life has altered with people expecting different meanings and purpose from wedded bliss. Together with longer life expectancy rates, ‘till death do us part’ can seem an eternity.

What are the expectations of marriage of the modern couple?

Despite these role changes, I still believe people enter into marriage with a romantic belief in the commitment of love, honour and obey and till death us do part. In modern times, these traditional beliefs may be ineffective in supporting a life long relationship.

How do people maintain a long and contented marriage?

1. I’m sure most would agree that love, commitment and trust are the basis of any successful marriage.

2. Experts believe good skills in communication and the effective handling of conflict in a relationship, is the single most predictor of marital success. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, resolving issues and misunderstandings, talking over any problems and the power to compromise create a stable marriage foundation. Indicators of badly managed martial conflict can be esculation of quarrels, hurling of insults and avoidance in tackling issues

3. Have realistic expectations about what marriage is about. Married life can be portrayed in media as idealistic, or in fact sometimes the opposite.

4. After the initial honeymoon period, a good marriage requires commitment and respect from both partners and hard work.

5. Don’t get into the habit of taking each other for granted. To feel undervalued can cause resentment to fester. Be complimentary and show appreciation for each other.

5. Make time for each other. You may feel you spent lots of time in each otherscompany, but you still need to organise uninterrupted quality time.

7. Keep romance alive. Romance means different things to different people, think back to before you married. Capture some of that magic again.

8. A good sexual relationship is important and goes hand in hand with making time for each other and keeping the romance alive.

I have listed these tips numerically for ease of reading but all are of equal importance.

So to answer the question, can there be a happily ever after? Yes I suppose it can, but you need the right partner to share this dream and a mixture of love, commitment, trust, respect, and a lot of hard work.