Are You a Good Father?

You might be a good father if you:

• Have ever changed a nasty diaper (here we will define nasty as a half or fully exploded diaper with liquid and solid contents of a questionable color that smells like the bowels of hell).

• Didn’t sell your two year-old to pay for the T.V. he broke.

• Know each of your kids’ favorite food.

• Know the words to every Spongebob episode.

• Teach your kids to draw…on paper.

• Let your kid think he beat you at chess.

• Put up with putting your kids into sports (Referring of course to the money thieving, smile faking adults, not to mention the outrageous cost of jerseys, mandatory raffle selling, unannounced cancellations and unexpected games.)

• Teach your kids cause and effect (“Okay kids you can jump back and forth on the furniture until mom calls, then you have to clean up the mess before she sees.”)

• Bought your kids a dog to teach them responsibility (and then realized that you would have to be the one to feed it, housebreak it and clean its messes because no one else will).

• Are there to comfort your child on his way to the E.R.

• Pulled your kids out of school because they were too smart, and taught ‘em yourself.

• Are a “Candy Man”.

• Made your kid learn how to tie their shoes instead of buying the Velcro strap shoes he wants.

• Painted your kid’s bedroom with his favorite cartoon characters (even though you were renting.)

• Say “no” to your kids (once in a while).

• Make your kids brush their teeth (with toothpaste) and wash their hair (with shampoo).

• Wake up each morning strategizing how to stay sane in spite of it all.