Adoption: Should Children be Told They are Adopted?

Adoption is a legal procedure in which all parental rights and responsibilities are transferred from the birth parent  to the adopters. Adoption become legal after the child has lived with adopters for at least 13 weeks.

Adopted children come from a great diversity of backgrounds-many may be of school going age and some are groups of brothers and sisters who need to be placed together. Many adopted children experience drastic changes of home setting and carers and this normally create insecurity and resultant uncertainty which may produce some challenging behaviors for the adopters.

Adopted children should be told they are adopted

Adopted children should be told they are adopted and normally adopted parents are required to give age appropriate information as early as possible. Rules and regulations may vary from country to country but contacts of various kinds with the birth parents ought to be encouraged. Birth parents should be allowed to exchange messages with the adopted child via the adoption agencies. There should also be room to allow the child have direct face to face contacts with the birth family, including grand parents and siblings who may have been placed elsewhere.

Where appropriate, adopted children should be allowed to see their birth certificates when they reach the age of 18. Some adopted children have a strong desire to trace their birth parents and other family members even when they are in adoption.

Challenges faced by adopted children

• The adopted child feels being abandoned and is prone to depression and low self-esteem
• Being teased or bullied in school by peers
• They sometimes transfer aggression, anger or even rebellion at their adopted parents
• Some resent the siblings they find in the home settings of their adopted parents
• Their special talents or special needs inherited from their birth parents can go unrecognized in the adoptive family
• The adopted child may be obsessive searching for birth parents

It is important that  the care workers, classroom teachers or other professionals be told that a child is adopted and this can be just as positive as telling the child himself. The professional who knows that a child is adopted will most likely be sensitive towards the child as he gets about giving that child care.