Nine Guidelines When Hosting a Foreign Student
There are rules that you want to define up front so that the student will know what is expected of him/her, and this will help things go more smoothly at home.
My wife and I have hosted children eight times from either Korea or Belarus, and we even hosted an adult from France. We found that if we define the rules up front, the students will know what is expected and can plan accordingly. In general, a good rule of thumb is this: the fewer the surprises, the better.
These are some of the guidelines we’ve used. Some were put in place by the organizations through which the foreign students are matched with us, and some were put in place by us.
1. Share a bedroom: If at all possible, pair up the student with one of your own children so that they both share a bedroom. This almost seems contrary to what one might initially expect, but think about it this way. The more interaction that the student has with your child, the more welcome and comfortable the student will feel. More interaction also means more exposure to the language, which is almost always one of the goals for the student. There is a strong correlation between the student being alone and the student feeling homesick. If the student is sharing a bedroom, then he / she is less likely to spend time “hiding” in a corner and therefore is also less likely to feel homesick.
2. One meal fits all: The student should eat what the rest of the family eats. You do not want to get in the mode of having to cook and serve one meal for your family and then cook something else for the student. Besides creating a lot of additional work for you, it also creates an implicit wall that says, “I’m going to treat you differently than how I treat my own children.” We try to provide a variety of food at the meal so that the student is likely to find something to eat. Last night, for example, we had tamales, spanish rice, and a cranberry orange salad. Our Korean student had a really tough time with the cranberries, but he loved the tamales and the rice.
That being said, we also try to cook dishes from the student’s home country, and this helps the student feel welcome, but it also gives our children the opportunity to try new things. When the foreign student sees my kids eating new and exotic dishes, the student is encouraged to try new things too.
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Jasin | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
Great info, don’t think I’ll need it though.
Morgana | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
I like that you treat them like part of the family. I agree that would make them feel more welcomed.
Mr Cool | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
Great advice. My cousins often have a french boy stay with them and follow similar rules.
Brian Daniel Stankich | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
We would love to do this sometime, but haven’t had a chance. We’ve lived overseas two different times so appreciate different cultures. You give some excellent tips, thanks for sharing the process with us. Brian
Will | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
Thanks a lot for the useful post. I have two Italians coming soon so this is a great help.
Maria Blazz | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for sharing your experience with us, it’s not only useful but interesting to know.
Betty Carew | Jan 8, 2009 | Reply
great article , we have never hosted any student but it seems you have things well under control. thanks for an informative article.
Helen | Jan 9, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for the advice, but I have three things that I disagree with:
1) I would not have any of the activities deal with my church and/or religion. It’s a sensitive issue with everyone involved and no one should try to push their religion on another. If your family attends church/temple regularly, I would offer to take the student along but certainly not insist or make them feel bad if they do not want to go. An exchange of faiths, however, is a good idea. Sit down and have them talk about their beliefs and ideas and share with them yours.
2)I would add to the safety tips that: if the student is male not to leave them alone with a female parent. This sort of concern does apply on both ends of the spectrum. Also, it should go without saying that if there is any tension or uncomfortable feelings between any two members of the new household, to do your best not to leave them alone together.
3) Television is a great form of exposure to American culture and I wouldn’t be too close minded about this. I would certainly make sure that they aren’t sitting in front of the television all day/night, but a variety of TV shows will help them to understand the culture (good and bad). Just be sure that the programming is age appropriate and that there are some educational shows (i.e., Discovery Channel) along with pure entertainment.
Same thing with computers. Parents nowadays don’t understand that the computer/internet is more than just online games and chat groups. The internet is a source of international news, ideas and connections with people that they may miss. Just make sure that your filters are on and the computer is located in a common area. Show them how to use the internet in a positive way by introducing them to some of your (and your kids) favorite sites.
Thanks for letting me put my two cents in.
nutuba | Jan 9, 2009 | Reply
Helen, those are all excellent points. I agree that church shouldn’t be forced upon the unwilling student. In our case, the program that brought over students from Belarus was through our church (funded entirely by the church), and the Korean program is set up with the idea that the host families do go to church (i.e., the Korean parents want their kids staying with Christian families).
I agree with your second point as well.
Regarding television and computers, I didn’t say don’t allow them, I just said that the boundaries should be established up front.
Thanks for the input! This is helpful feedback.
s hayes | Jan 9, 2009 | Reply
Excellent information, well presented – top article
Holly J. Harrington | Jan 9, 2009 | Reply
Sounds like good article.
look into my eyes | Jan 9, 2009 | Reply
this is good stuff i really like it
S A JOHNSON | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
This is such a great article!
Connie | Jan 10, 2009 | Reply
We have had several exchange students, and I agree with your ideas. One thing I will mention. We had a student from France who had never gone to church. Her parents told her that if we went to church she would have to go with us. We never “forced” her to go, but it was a wonderful way for her to meet other students her age, and we had some very interesting discussions after each service. Years later we visited with her parents in France, and they mentioned how much they appreciated our assimilating her daughter into our family schedule, especially in introducing her to our church life.
Helen | Jan 11, 2009 | Reply
Nutubu,
Thanks for responding! Understanding that the exchange program was through your church, it makes perfect sense to continue the teachings of your shared faith.
Our children attend public schools and as such, our exchange students come from all walks of faiths and beliefs. We focus on the teachings of arts, science and culture and leave the teaching of religion/faith to their parents. It’s really just a difference in exchange programs I suppose. Also, where we live there are so many social activities for them to be involved in outside of a church. Sometimes I feel that we learn so much more from them then they do from us. It’s a wonderful exchange of culture and I recommend it to anyone – through your church or through your schools.
nutuba | Jan 11, 2009 | Reply
Hi Helen!
You’re absolutely right — it’s really an exchange of culture, not just a one directional thing. We have so much to learn from our neighbors on this planet, and vice versa. Thanks again for your responses!
Regards,
nutuba (Joel)
Cheryl Sills | Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
This article is extremely informative. A lot of really good suggestions about how to handle exchange students, with respect and dignity while integrating them into your household.
I found the article well-written and very interesting. Thank you so much for all of the good ideas.
eddiego65 | Feb 26, 2009 | Reply
These are truly great suggestions. Great article.
Olivia Reason | Feb 26, 2009 | Reply
This is helpful information.
Josh | Feb 27, 2009 | Reply
1 hour per week on the computer plus chores? That’s the worst sounding foreign exchange program I have ever heard of!