Finding The Strength to Stand Up for Myself!

Sometimes in life the people who are supposed to care most for us are the people who hurt us the most!  That sentence right there describes my life! For the past thirty-something years it actually describes my life to a T! And for me after several years of feeling powerless to do anything about it my answer to it was to simply let go of the people in my life that did this to me.

Of course with letting go there is this feeling of wanting to forget, pushing that person to the furthest part of your memory so that the pains of the things they have done to you will hopefully be forgotten even though you know that isn’t going to happen.  As hard as I have tried over the years to do just that it proved to be an impossible mission.  

I am not a confrontational person so dealing with the people who hurt me was just not something I could do.   For years when someone would upset me I wouldn’t say anything, and I would bottle it up inside until I would reach that “Last Straw” and get so fed up and upset that I would cut that person out of my life.  Of course I am not talking about little things I am talking about things that really hurt and can really make you wonder how that person could have done something so mean or heartless.  

Over the past few days I have been dealing with my demons; both in my head and in real life.  There is someone that I cut out of my life over three years ago that I have finally found the courage to confront.  I can’t say that it was easy and of course I had butterflies in my stomach and felt sick during the whole thing but I was able to write my piece and let her know what she had done to me and how it made me feel.  I cannot say that this was the most mature way of handling it and there were some harsh words said on both parts but for some reason writing things in an email felt safer to me than seeing her in person.  At this point I am not really sure how things are going or if I truly believe she understands or is apologetic for the things done in the past. However, I can say that even if things don’t work out and she is still not a part of my life, having said what has been on my mind for years was a great release.  I truly believe that honesty is the best policy and confronting your demons can release you.  Though I will never forget what was said and done knowing that the people who have hurt me know it too makes a huge difference.