Sympathy Flowers and Funeral Trends

For those who have lost a loved one, a funeral service is of extreme importance. Grief counselors will tell you that family and friends need a chance to get together to grieve for their loss and to share their love for and memories of the deceased. It is very comforting to the family to have the company and sympathy of friends and relatives, especially during the first few days.

The most appropriate expression of sympathy is the sending of funeral flowers. Even if the family has expressed a desire for financial contributions to their favorite charities, flowers should still be sent. Even though the death notice may read “in lieu of flowers,” flowers are always appropriate. Flowers help people express feelings that are difficult to express. Flowers show respect for the dead. They also add warmth to the service and provide visual support. They create a pleasant atmosphere making the mourners feel more comfortable. No matter what people say, no funeral service should be totally without flowers.

Flowers and greens have always played an important role in burial traditions. In ancient times family members used herbs to anoint the bodies of their loved ones, and they also held “wakes.” Family and friends would gather to guard the body. In some ancient cultures, “guarding the body” was necessary. In modern times the wake offers an opportunity for the grieving family to receive the condolences from friends and neighbors who might not be able to attend the actual funeral service or who might not get a chance to speak personally to the family members at the service. The wake also affords everyone an opportunity to view the flowers and read the enclosure cards.

It is important that all sympathy arrangements have enclosure cards and that all cards be filled out properly. The information should include a description of the arrangement and the complete name and address of the person who sent it. You will understand the importance of this if you ever have to send thank-you notes for sympathy arrangements. YES, IT IS PROPER TO SEND OUT THANK-YOU NOTES! I had that job several years ago when my uncle died. When I started looking through the enclosure cards, I found several from the same florist in Alabama that were not filled out. There was no name or address on the cards, and only the briefest description of the flowers. When I called the florist for help, her reply was “Well, I’m just too busy to fill out all those little cards. We don’t do that here.” I assured her that I would not increase her work load. To this day if anyone wants me to recommend a florist in Montgomery, it will not be that florist.

As a florist, you should work closely with your clients to make sure the flowers are appropriate and designed to their satisfaction. You should also work closely with the funeral homes in your area to make sure your client’s sad experience is as stress free as possible. You never want your client to be unhappy because the arrangement that was delivered is not what he ordered. You should know the rules and possible restrictions the funeral home or the cemetery might have. You should also be aware of the different cultural traditions and trends in customized tributes.

Customized tributes may reflect the personality of the deceased and may relate to his or her profession, favorite pastime, or hobby. For years, my father owned the 5 & 10 Cent Store in town, and when he died, the local florist created an arrangement depicting Daddy’s store. She attached pieces of candy, toys, and other small items that he used to sell. The arrangement became a conversation piece for everyone who saw it, and it gave the mourners a chance to relive this important time in Dad’s life. Daddy would have been proud.

You should talk to members of the family to find out about the deceased’ interests. Was he an outdoorsman? A hunter? A sportsman? What was his favorite flowers or colors? Maybe he had a favorite hymn or Bible verse. Having this extra bit of information will allow you to better help people who order sympathy tributes. Anything you do that is special will certainly be appreciated by the family.

When ordering sympathy flowers, the client has many options. Some people like traditional arrangement, while others like trendy designs. Traditional tributes are always popular. There are many varieties of triangular designs, easel sprays, baskets, and potted plants. The traditional funeral flowers include carnations, roses, chrysanthemums, glads, and lilies. Customized arrangements may include mixed flowers for that fresh garden look, elegant bouquets of European flowers, or dramatic groupings of certain flower types. Baskets and potted plants can be taken home or donated to the church after the funeral. Silk flowers are becoming more popular also. The better quality silks are very realistic looking, and they last longer at the cemetery, especially if the weather is extremely cold or hot.

Certain color schemes may be preferred in sympathy arrangements. Soft pinks, purples, and other pastels are considered to be feminine, while darker colors and natural tones are masculine. While, red, and yellow are always popular.

Different types of designs serve different functions. The wreath is very popular because it symbolizes eternal life. The wreath is normally large and showy and is usually sent by family members or groups of people, such as the staff where the deceased worked or a Sunday school class or organization. The wreath is usually made of fresh flowers and greenery.

The spray is a flat piece and is displayed on an ease. It is usually made of fresh flowers, and it can be ordered by anyone. It can vary in size from a small spray from an individual to a very large mass of flowers from an organization.

A floral arrangement in a vase, basket, or other type of container can be ordered by anyone and is usually less expensive than other types of sympathy tributes.

The casket piece can be a blanket or a spray. Blankets are seldom ordered because of the time and the costs. They are difficult to make and are time consuming. This tribute, whether blanket or spray, is designed to rest on the casket, and it is usually ordered by the immediate family. It may be made of rose buds, but it can be any flower the family wishes. I saw a striking casket spray once made solely from large white cattleya orchids. It was magnificent!

Inside pieces are small silk pillows, rosaries, nosegays, etc., to go inside the casket. They are made from the same types of flowers as the casket spray. They make lovely tributes from the children in the family.

There are all sorts of customized arrangements: heaven’s gates ajar, broken hearts, wheels with missing spokes, heaven calls, crosses, bleeding hearts, bibles, Masonic emblems. The list goes on and on.

The use of flowers may reflect religious beliefs. Make sure you are aware of the difference between faiths. You don’t want to offend your clients, especially at this sad time. If you are ever in doubt, check with local religious leaders.

Baha’i: Burial should take place within a one-hour drive from the place where death occurs. Flowers are appropriate.

Buddhist: Most Buddhist funerals take place in a funeral home. Flowers are normally appropriate.

Catholic: Flowers are usually welcomed and appreciated. For deliveries to the church, please confirm details with the parish. Practices many vary with regard to casket sprays, where flowers many be displayed, etc.

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Mormons: Most floral tributes are encouraged and appropriate, except flowers arranged on a cross or crucifix.

Eastern Orthodox: During the period before burial (three days after death) flowers may be sent to the funeral home. There is often an emphasis on white flowers. Some placement restrictions may apply. Those unable to attend the funeral may send flowers to the funeral home or to the family home.

Other Christian Faiths: Floral expressions of all kinds are generally welcomed at funerals and memorial services. Individual churches may have their own limitations on placement.

Hindu: Hindus try to hold a service at a funeral home before the sun goes down on the day of death. Flowers generally may be sent, although doing so isn’t necessarily part of the Hindu tradition. Garlands and mixed seasonal sprays are typical.

Islamic: Some say flowers are inappropriate; others say they are appropriate. Roses and other fragrant flowers are usually acceptable. Palm branches, other greens, or individual flowers may be placed on the grave. Be sure to check with a religious leader.

Jewish: Sending flowers to the funeral home or to the burial site is not usually done. Instead, fruit and food baskets may be sent to the home. Flowers are becoming more widely accepted, however, and it is becoming more common to adorn the synagogue foyer. The Orthodox Jews are not yet accepting these new customs.

The most common sympathy arrangements are the casket spray, a wreath, a stand-up spray, and a footed urn. Other arrangements include the casket pillow (which may be in the shape of a rectangle or a cross), a table arrangement, a flower garland, a rosary, a nosegay, an open Bible, a Madonna statue, a potted plant, a Masonic emblem, and anything else a florist can create.

Casket sprays can be made from all sorts of flowers from roses to carnations, and can be any color. Most people, however, prefer pastels for a woman and darker colors for a man. Probably the most popular casket spray of all times is the one made with white carnations and freesias with a background of ferns and ivy. My favorite is the spray made with large white florist mums and red rose buds.

1. 16 white florist chrysanthemums (sometimes called football mums)
2. 48 long stem red rose buds (large)
3. 48 stems of eucalyptus
4. 12 stems of camellia (or other greenery)
5. #9 velvet ribbon moss green
6. 1 block of floral foam (2 blocks if covering the entire casket)
7. piks (either water piks for each stem or wooden piks with wire)
8. floral tape (usually green)
9. casket spray holder (either single or double) Be sure the holder has cushioned feet so it does not scratch the casket

Wet the foam thoroughly and place it into the holder. Be sure to drain off excess water so the holder will not leak. Pik the flowers and the greenery. If you use the wooden piks, but sure to wrap the stems with floral tape. Leave the stems long enough so they will drape over the casket gracefully. Insert the greenery into the foam first, then the roses, then the mums. Place a velvet bow in the center and add piked streamers around in the arrangement. The bereaved family will love this. This also makes a beautiful silk arrangement for the tombstone later after all the fresh flowers have died.

You may also offer a matching piece to go in the casket lid. Use 6 red rose buds (sweetheart roses will work fine here), 15 small white carnations, 6 sprigs of camellia (whatever greenery you used in the casket spray), and 6 sprigs of eucalyptus. Wrap ½ block of floral foam in foil (there are holders made for this purpose also). Make sure it doesn’t leak. Pik the flower stems and greenery. Arrange them in the foam to compliment the large casket spray.

For a military funeral, red and white flowers symbolize bravery and service. The American flag serves as a military tribute, and flowers are never placed on the flag. If the family wishes to have a casket spray, it should be displayed on a high pedestal or hung on the wall over the casket. Baker fern (leather leaf) and eucalyptus can be used to create a striking background for crimson and white flowers. Carnations and spider mums are a good choice. A lid piece may be composed of the same flowers and pinned to a crimson velvet ribbon.

Some florists refuse to do funeral flowers because they are unable to handle the sad situation. However, they are losing out on a very important aspect of their trade, and they are failing to provide a much-needed service. Florists, with their talent for creating beautiful things, offer solace and joy to so many families, and they should always look upon their work as being very important in the life of the community.